August 5, 2003
8/5/03 Columbia County, NY (four
8/5/03 Columbia County, NY (four days until wedding)
Maybe I do ask for a lot. Maybe I am singularly undeserving of any favors curried by the Wiccan gods, and to ask for anything more than mere survival makes me an ungrateful wretch. But listen, o God of Precipitation and Shitty-Ass Weather, I beseech you. Can you PLEASE not make it rain on my wedding?
I've sat by semi-silently as you've rained on each of my birthdays eleven years in a row. I didn't complain when you struck down the tree where I was intending to propose to Tessa. When you took Tessa's mom's house and shoved it down the river, we simply cleaned up and moved on. I spent months in Iowa huddled in the school basement with Miss Norton's 3rd grade class while you scooped up motor homes outside Cedar Rapids.
All I'm asking now is a small break. We had one of the worst winters ever, and the rainiest spring in New York history. For the past week, you have deluged us with storms so bad that only our Land Rover could traverse the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway. I have PROOF!
This was taken by my brother Steve, who was in the passenger seat. Those waves are hitting the door handles. All I'm saying is that perhaps you've been working WAY overtime and should take a rest this weekend. If you spare Friday and Saturday, I promise not to complain for my next three rainy birthdays. Seriously. I have witnesses.
Respectfully submitted,
Ian Williams