xtcian

3/12/03 Brooklyn, NY This blog

3/12/03 Brooklyn, NY

This blog goes out to Scooby-Doo and Shaggy, because they're the only motherfuckers on the planet who will be able to figure out who is making the ghostly racket at Tessa's Manhattan apartment from 2 to 4am. Seriously, the building contractor, a lawyer, and a sound engineer have all suggested "poltergeist" as a possible culprit, and they were only half-joking.

Tessa and I rolled our own Mystery Machine into the city tonight, planning to camp out in the place until we heard the noise. The tenants, who have not been able to sleep for two weeks, are staying at a hotel, so we had the run of the building. Without warning, the sounds started around 12:30am relatively early, by all accounts – and I only heard them because I was sitting on the toilet.

We've done everything: fixed the boiler, replaced the pipes, got a whole new water heater, bled the radiators, and still you could head the "thwunk thwunk thwunk" along with the sounds of rushing water. I know it is something simple - like the small dishwasher running in the bar downstairs but unearthing the problem in the labyrinthine mess of a West Village apartment built in 1888 is going to put us under.

So this is when Scooby-Doo and company show up, right? Fred with his ascot, Shaggy with the pot, Velma with her Sapphic tendencies and we find out it's the evil owner of the gay porn store next door! He would have gotten away with it too, except that he had no motive.