Sometime last month I was suddenly curious as to how Tina Fey of Saturday Night Live got her scar. "A childhood injury she doesn't like to discuss out of respect to her parents" is the answer I found, which seems cool with me (there's plenty of childhood crapola I don't put on here either), but apparently that's not good enough for the legions of SNL dorks out there determined to find an answer: turns out "Tina Fey scar" is one of the highest-searched text strings on Google, and one blogger was bitching about how that was the only reason anyone ever came to her web page.
So in the interests of being interesting, let's go into my web stats and look at some of the top text searches that bring you to this little cybernook, shall we?
1. "ian williams"
Well, that's a relief, right? Something about my brother Steve's web page gives Google a warm, fuzzy feeling and they rate links from him very highly. Sorry for those of you who got here looking for the Ian Williams who writes for Salon - his work can be found here. [ed. note from future: now I write for Salon too as "Ian R. Williams" - you know, to make things more confusing] Many of you are also looking for various professors in New Zealand and Australia, but I promise, I'm way more fun to hang out with, at least on the long-term.
2. "neve campbell naked"
"julianne moore nude"
"jennifer love hewitt's boobs"
"heather graham nude"
I'm combining these because they share a certain joie de vivre, n'est-ce pas? Many folks end up on this blog site not for the blog at all, but for the extensive list of movie reviews that Steve culled from my days being Citysearch's film critic. This was back in the early days of the internet, before granny-based focus groups forbade the use of words like "boobs" on a New Economy web site, a simpler time that allowed me to write such gloriously pissed-off film critiques like this one. Back then, I always mentioned whether or not there was gratuitous nudity, which makes many Googlers (oglers?) very fond of visiting my reviews of Boogie Nights, Wild Things, and curiously, Palmetto.
3. "refresh tears"
I am glad to see Americans checking up on their corneal lubricants, and since it leads them here, let me just say it now: Refresh Tears is a damn fine product, and unlike Visine, you can use it every five minutes if you want to. Thumbs up!
3. "ali farahnakian"
Good press for the Leefer. Ali and I lived for years on the same hall in college, and though we had our typical 19-year-old run-ins, age has mellowed me into a profound respect for the man. He can be seen on Sunday nights at the UCB Theater and now he has his own project, The Pit (the Peoples Improv Theater). He also has a mean drive through the lane for virtually unstoppable lay-ups.
4. "stasia droze"
What are you people doing searching for my sweet Stasia Droze? You better not be up to something. And she's happily married now, so don't be all "whassup?" or anything.
5. "rimadyl overdose"
This comes from our dog Chopin's decision to chow down an entire bottle (probably 3600mg) of the doggy painkiller Rimadyl while he was waiting for us in the car. To be honest, I did this precise web search myself that night and didn't come up with much, so here's my first-hand experience: if your dog had 3 or 4 pills, don't sweat it. If he possibly had more (ours had about 60), get him to the hospital. He needs to barf it out quickly, then get dosed with activated charcoal to keep the rest of the drug from getting into his system. He also needs blood work to check for liver and kidney damage. It ain't cheap, but yer doggie is worth it.
So let's do something even more interesting: see the last text search that brought someone here. It is...
At Nov 3 23:37:50:
'Wild Things'+threesome.
*sigh*
I swear, I try to bring some meaningful discussion to the internet...