One thing about being an "informed customer" is that you price yourself out of any kind of normal interaction with customer service people, or schlubs working retail. For example, I've been around computers my whole life, and been attached to one Macintosh or another since my first Mac 512K in 1986. So when I get on the phone with Earthlink technical support, I basically have to give them my curriculum vitae so that they don't tell me some shit like "check to see if your modem is plugged in, sir." It bloody well is plugged in, ya bastard!
Today at the decidedly dumbarse-filled Radio Shack in Park Slope was no exception these are dim bulbs who typically must solve the electrical problems of even dimmer bulbs. I'm sure someone comes in daily with a computer mouse, wanting to know "why this footpedal doesn't work" (true story from my buddies at the IBM Help Desk) – but Radio Shack cashiers explaining something to the typical clientèle is a bit like the blind leading the deaf and blind.
My mission was simple: to find that little Y-adapter that turns two separate phone lines into one line that goes into the back of your 2-line phone. I confess I have no idea how that little thing works; for years, I just plugged both phone lines into the two jacks on the phone. But that little adapter makes everything so much more graceful, and it seems to work, so why not?
I'll tellya why not because finding that part can be a nightmare. I was shown extension cords, 3-way jack hooks, modular adapters, and even whole, other phones. Finally, I saw the right bit – heretofore termed a "2-line coupler" – but they weren't so sure. I had to convince them that I knew what I was talking about, and when I left, they had that "he'll be back" smile.
I really pity any kind of cashier working in technological retail, as well as folks working the phones for computer support. The world is rich with reprehensible dumbasses, sure, but the worst folks are those over 40 who have no idea where to start, and lack the intuitive tools to prosper. It's funny how all those hours with the Colecovision actually paid off take that, dad!
I'll give you the top three problems that older folks have with computers if we were to solve these, maybe something could get done in this country:
1. The Web vs. the Internet vs. Email vs. America Online. 50-year-olds don't get that although their computer connects to the Internet, the internet itself has no intrinsic use to them. I tried explaining it to my stepmom, using a metaphor she could relate to: that the "internet" is 5th Avenue; that "Internet Explorer" is the cab; that Saks, Fortunoff and the Gap at 55th St. are all "websites" she can go to; and that her cell phone was "email," so she could talk with others while on the ride. She understood this as long as she was at the computer, but the information couldn't stick. America Online is a conundrum because it isn't quite the internet, and they have their own web browser, and email is on it. Plus, she got confused that I sometimes checked my email using the web, and then my metaphor was further ruined by the fact that Fortunoff, Saks and the Gap are actually websites too and now cell phones can leave messages on email. Why does all this shit not confuse me and all my friends? I mean, it all seems perfectly natural.
2. The Operating System is not your Computer, nor is it an Application or Files. This one was so hard for my grandma that we had to take the Mac apart and put it on the living room floor. "The computer is a piece of hardware. The 'operating system' runs the 'applications' like Microsoft Word. The 'files' are the little pieces of Microsoft Word you make yourself." My mom resorted to body imagery for grandma: the OS is the brain, the applications are the various systems (nervous, respiratory) and the files are individual things the brain remembers. Again, this held sway about as long as a dog command, but my grandma was a stalwart, practical type who didn't need to know why milk turned into butter, she just wanted to eat it.
3. RTFM, or Read the Forkin' Manual. There was a day in computing when the manuals for applications like Word or FileMaker were so arcane and non-intuitive that even the most weathered of us had to use deductive reasoning just to get a jpeg to print. These days, however, most programs and hardware come with giant pull-out posters with Ikea-themed visual aids and text with little room for creative interpretation. Failing that, there's a "...for Dummies" book for everything under Neptune, including vast, vague ideas like The Internet for iMacs for Dummies. Hell, there's even a Divorce for Dummies if they want to save on postage.
Tune in next week, when I rail on 62-year-olds who don't understand the whole "the screen shows images at 72 dpi" printing cafuffle!
Posted by at July 30, 2002 8:05 PM
