xtcian

lone star state o' mind

3/7/04

If you lived in Center Point, TX today, there was only one thing going on: that's right, the birthday of Sandy Blake – mother of my beloved wife – at the American Legion Hall at 4pm sharp. No presents please; all she wants is a batch of tasteless birthday cards.

Since I'm here in Center Point (so-named because it is the center point between Kerrville, Comfort, Bandera and Fredericksburg, but I'm sure you already knew that), I tried to blend in with the locals, so I decided to forego my usual bowtie and get a bolo tie - you know, the ones that are a string of leather held up by a fancy clasp, like all the cowboys wear when their ladies come a-callin'.

Sandy's boyfriend Jim and I took his white Comfort Van (bed in back, TV set, quadraphonic sound) around to look for a bolo tie, but they didn't have one at the Walmart, nor the Schreiner's, and the chicks at the J.C. Penney didn't even know what the fuck we were talking about. All the country/western stores were closed because of the Sabbath, and the chick at the mall said she hadn't seen one in a while. Who knew how hard it was to find a bolo tie in Texas?

So I put on my usual prep school aging fratboy garb and went to the party, where it was already a hootenanny. Couples were two-stepping (a very elegant dance, actually) and Sandy was toasted by the whole town. Of course, my favorite part (besides singing a Beatles song on karaoke) was THE SALMON MOUSSE. You have to have seen Monty Python's The Meaning of Life to understand why that's important, but I took a picture for those who do:

Near the end of the evening, a man named Clyde (the owner of the local antique store) had heard of my abortive search for a bolo tie, and had driven home, grabbed one of his best ones, and brought it back to the party for me. Needless to say, I was overcome.

The last big number was Tessa and her mom singing "Old Time Rock'n'Roll" on the karaoke. Normally, the sound of Bob Seger throws me into paroxysms of nausea, but watching those two can be very contagious.

On the way out, I approached Clyde and thanked him for letting me borrow his bolo tie. He told me it was mine, and wouldn't think of taking it back. Man, some small towns are really goddamn cool.