xtcian

'scuse me while I kiss this guy

6/29/04

Michael Angelo Stuno and his boyfriend Jeff are visiting us this week – along with downtown Manhattan's Joan of Arc Kelly Wachowicz – thus meaning you weren't going to be allowed small talk at dinner. No, these are the kind of people who delve straight into the aorta of modern thought, activist politics, and couples therapy.

After three hours of tossing around different ideas of how to be in a relationship (Michael and Jeff have been with each other for 15 years and were married in SF this spring), Michael asked me if I was going to write about it in the blog. I responded that it usually takes 3-4 days for an idea to percolate before I bother any of you with it, just as it is rare that you dream about something that happened to you that day.

Stuno replied that people dream about things that happened that same day all the time, and I realize that I post all KINDS of shit in here that has had less than about 20 seconds to "percolate." I suddenly worried: how much of the crap I say do I actually believe? Sometimes it seems like it breaks down like this:

Why I Say The Shit I Say (in percentages)
To keep the conversation going: 40%
To be a gadfly provocateur: 27%
Parroting something I'd read: 19%
To make it appear as though I'm engaged in my surroundings: 11%
Because I actually believe it: 3%

Or maybe those numbers should be reversed, and I'm actually more sincere than I think I am. Either way, I can't believe the amount of garbage I've inflicted on conversations since about 1977. Is it too late to apologize?