11/4/04
Boy, it's all fun and games until the conservatives start commenting on your blog, huh? We were all having a great time until the virtual vitriol came cascading down the pike, and now I can barely wade through all the comments and hate mail telling me to fuck off.
Is there any creature more of a control freak than a Republican? They want to keep women from having abortions, they want to outlaw half the content on the internet, they want to bloody well make sure fags don't get married - they even want to force the teenage human animal into abstinence. It must truly be exhausting to exert that much control.
And now, these people spend their time writing comments and personal emails telling us why we are losers and to take our lumps. To which I say, NO FUCKING DUH. Do you actually think that any of us were going to raise pitchforks and light torches and close down the border between Oregon and Idaho? It's just a comforting idea, you blithering ninnies. An imaginary place where those horrified with the election results can go, and perhaps, meet like-minded strangers. Or would you like to legislate our dreams too?
Some commenters raised the point that blogs like this only reinforce the notion that we are snooty Northerners or private school latté-sippers who look down upon the heathen dumbasses in Red States. Well, truth hurts, doesn't it? As I said before, my dialogue with these people has ended. The following are non-negotiable for me:
- gay people should have the ability to marry
- a woman should be able to have a safe, inexpensive abortion
- stem cells should be rigorously studied with no restrictions
- if we can put people on the Moon in nine years, we can be independent of foreign oil in seven
- people should fucking be nice to each other.
Now, I don't physically live in that country; I know that. But my spirit resides in American Coastopia, where these things can be true. I will zip through the Red States as quickly as possible, because those Americans make me physically ill.
In my American Coastopia, intellect is sexy. Nobody ever calls anyone else "ugly." Men get laid knowing the lyrics to songs by The Smiths, and women find their dream partner by mandatory pop quizzes. We have really good Scotch, and I will make girl drinks involving Kahlua.
I have met some incredible people over the last two days, and it has left me and my friends feeling not so terribly alone. If I see someone wearing the T-shirt in Brooklyn I will be overjoyed and probably buy them a meat pastry. The first book I worked on was about the unconscious brotherhood of Generation X, and I feel a tidal kinship with this one as well.
And you conservatives who can't stand to see us progressive types have a little fun after an election that devastated us? To paraphrase Billy Ocean, get out of our dreams, and get into your fucking car.
Oh yeah: Fairfax County, Charlottesville and Hawaii - YOU'RE IN!
Posted by irw at November 4, 2004 10:55 PM"Wall Street and other financial institutions will be relocated to Charlotte, which we believe will suit your needs better."
Hey! Charlotte went to Kerry! (Greensboro, too, so looks like Dook will have to move to Raleigh or maybe Winston-Salem).
I recommend Omaha, Nebraska for the new "Jesusland" financial center.
Brilliant entry today. I hope you never address "attack" e-mails again. After about two years as a recovering conservative, I have found nothing more mind numbing and life force depleting than argueing directly with a W fan. There are a lot of young conservatives on the internet just looking for a way to reclaim their self righteousness after their daily visit to www.nazinipples.com. Let their attacks float unattended in cyberspace.
Disclaimer: If there actually is a www.nazinipples.com, I swear it's just a coincidence. I woud have checked, but my kids probably know more about tracking history with Net Nanny than I do.
Your ideas on American Coastopia have done more to console me these last few days than anything else (well, except maybe watching SIXTEEN CANDLES, but Jake Ryan is so dreamy!).
Don't let the bastards bum our trip.
I think strictly speaking you should speed only across about 51% of each midwestern state and slow down and wave to the enlightened 49%.
Just wanted to let you know, there are some people in Kentucky that bleed blue...!!!
Indeed there are many of our (former?) opponents who want us to feel pain. My personal pain is like being dumped. When I wake up, my brain is pleasantly light and empty. Then as my life's context is pumped into my consciousness, I sink back into a foul mood.
Anyway, people trolling around the internet trying to be assholes after their party increases its dominance over the executive, legislative and judicial branches of the government may want to let go of some of their anger.
This morning I noticed that someone actually had tried to scrape my "John Kerry for President" bumper sticker off the rear window -- ?? Grrr. I mean, it's up to me when or if I'd take it off (indeed, I plan to craft a "Don't blame us; we voted for" sign to tape above it). But one can forgive the irritation and anger that might well up in a Republican who happens to stroll by my car. Just seeing the name of a man who graciously conceded the race of his lifetime and spoke of healing our nation's divisions -- how painful for the passerby! Naturally the poor soul then felt justified in shredding another person's property.
Just wanted you to know that I ordered my Coastopia baseball jersey as soon as I read about it. Look for me in DC and MD next time you're in these parts. I'll treat you to a hazelnut latte!
More thoughts on the name and a suggestion about national defense:
OK, I didn't expect anyone to like US of Vespa except a couple of old mods. And American Coastopia is a great informal name.
But the country you describe really is THE United States of America, and we should keep the name. Let the Red (neck) States change their name, dammit. I suggest we start calling them simply what they already call themselves: "Merica". I doubt the Mericans will complain too much, while we Americans can still fondly refer to our country as American Coastopia.
Another humble suggestion: All-Gay Special Forces (Motto: "Ask, Tell!"). Move the Times Square recruiting office to Chelsea. They say that in a war, soldiers stop fighting for God and Country or whatever and start fighting for the soldier beside them. My guess is that the GI will be that much more motivated when the soldier beside him is his husband.
As an added bonus, the Mericans will be so terrified of the Pink Berets that they will leave us alone.
I feel your pain, and it gives me great pleasure!
Kerry -- Gone
Daschle -- Gone
Arafat -- Gone (well, soon)
BC04: The Gift That Keeps On Giving.
There's an article in the business section of today's NY Post that mentions that 24% of gay men and women voted for Bush (http://www.nypost.com/business/31693.htm). I didn't realize the Log Cabin had that many bedrooms...
Wow Ian, a friend sent us your site and it is the first time I have laughed all week. I am going to start every morning with the wisdom of Ian (I prefer eggs but when push comes to shove I will eat Raisen Bran. But cereal doesn't stick with you, know what I mean?)
I feel so lucky to live in Washington. Can we be the official Doggie Daycare of Coastopia??? Hopefully our dogs in Halloween costume pictures will be up by Monday. Visit our kids at tailsofthecity.biz and please stop by when you, your wife and pup are in the neighborhood.
Well since my young virile husband is afflicted with Parkinsons disease you can only imagine how we were "praying" for victory. I guess Georges god is stronger than mine.
I am having a healing spaghetti potluck for my grieving neighbors this sunday. Wish I could get those T-shirts by then. Hey, you and your wife AND dog are invited. I am printing your Coastopia speech for everyone. Lots red wine and garlic bread...
Woof!
Olivia
I do trust that Republicans like me out here that enjoy Ian's blog for entertainment and honest and respectful discourse are still welcome.
And Ian, chin up...our boys start their march tonight with an exhibition game. God bless them Tar Heel boys! [I think somebody else said that once].
Who's the dickweed w/the BC'04 comment? Ya'll come on back to the Repubs' convention home now y'hear; the city welcomes your bilk, I mean ilk. Just andrew, I say respectable alex p. keatons who are diehard Heels fans can stay, but these jerky lurkers gotta go.
Hey everyone,
I just saw Michael Moore's "17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists" (www.michaelmoore.com) and was inspired to write to him to tell him about Coastopia. Maybe he'll buy a t-shirt and spread the word!
Ian and friends,
You are so much fun! As a proud Bush supporter living in the heart of Brooklyn I've had to listen to a ton of abuse hurled at my guy and his supporters. You're still at it, but now it is easier to smile. Coastopia? Fine with me if it makes you feel better and keeps me entertained.BTW: I totally agree that that racist dude is an asshole and I hope that state-by-state people will decide to provide gays with equal marriage/partnership rights (whether you call it "marriage"). A lot of Dems don't support gay marriage at this point, including Clinton, Kerry. I don't recall gay marriage being a political issue until the late 1990s. So it isn't accurate or fair to pin it ONLY on Repubs or independents like me who voted for a Repub this time around. Ok, you can get back to coping...
Thanks for including New Orleans in Coastopia, we are thrilled. We are all alone down here, in a sea of red.
You won't regret it. We are all about good times: food, music and drink (forget that gambling thing, that is for tourists from the midwest).
The average IQ by state according to the Ravens APM:
Rank & State AVG IQ AVG Income 2004 Electoral
(1) Connecticut..................113 $26,979 Kerry
(2) Massachusetts................111 $24,059 Kerry
(3) New Jersey...................111 $26,457 Kerry
(4) New York.....................109 $23,534 Kerry
(5) Rhode Island.................107 $20,299 Kerry
(6) Hawaii.......................106 $21,218 Kerry
(7) Maryland.....................105 $22,974 Kerry
(8) New Hampshire................105 $22,934 Kerry
(9) Illinois.....................104 $21,608 Kerry
(10) Delaware....................103 $21,451 Kerry
(11) Minnesota...................102 $20,049 Kerry
(12) Vermont.....................102 $18,834 Kerry
(13) Washington..................102 $20,398 Kerry
(14) California..................101 $21,278 Kerry
(15) Pennsylvania................101 $20,253 Kerry
(16) Maine.......................100 $18,226 Kerry
(17) Virginia....................100 $20,629 Bush
(18) Wisconsin...................100 $18,727 Kerry
(19) Colorado.....................99 $20,124 Bush
(20) Iowa.........................99 $18,287 Bush
(21) Michigan.....................99 $19,508 Kerry
(22) Nevada.......................99 $20,266 Bush
(23) Ohio.........................99 $18,624 Bush
(24) Oregon.......................99 $18,202 Kerry
(25) Alaska.......................98 $21,603 Bush
(26) Florida......................98 $19,397 Bush
(27) Missouri.....................98 $18,835 Bush
(28) Kansas.......................96 $19,376 Bush
(29) Nebraska.....................95 $19,084 Bush
(30) Arizona......................94 $17,119 Bush
(31) Indiana......................94 $18,043 Bush
(32) Tennessee....................94 $17,341 Bush
(33) North Carolina...............93 $17,667 Bush
(34) West Virginia................93 $15,065 Bush
(35) Arkansas.....................92 $15,439 Bush
(36) Georgia......................92 $18,130 Bush
(37) Kentucky.....................92 $16,534 Bush
(38) New Mexico...................92 $15,353 Bush
(39) North Dakota.................92 $16,854 Bush
(40) Texas........................92 $17,892 Bush
(41) Alabama......................90 $16,220 Bush
(42) Louisiana....................90 $15,712 Bush
(43) Montana......................90 $16,062 Bush
(44) Oklahoma.....................90 $16,198 Bush
(45) South Dakota.................90 $16,558 Bush
46) South Carolina...............89 $15,989 Bush
(47) Wyoming..................89 $17,423 Bush
(48) Idaho........................87 $16,067 Bush
(49) Utah.........................87 $15,325 Bush
(50) Mississippi..................85 $14,088 Bush
Actually, if you go county-by-county, see this Fascist T Shirt for a more accurate map of your lame Coastopia idea:
http://www.newsmaxstore.com/nmstore/images/books/bushCountry04map.gif
We didn't lose the election, by the way. IT WAS STOLEN.
I live in one of those states outside of Coastopia--West Virginia. I'm not ready to leave. I'm going to stay and fight. I am a Christian. I love Halloween. I am pro-choice. I don't hate gay people and don't care if they get married. I believe in the tradition of the church as an agent for social change and social justice.
(MJ...there are a bunch of Liberal Christians in and out of Coastopia. We're a scrappy bunch who believe more in social justice than in marketing Christianity. We know that JC was the original hippy Liberal and that He was extremely political. We'll get our message out past Clear Channel's airwaves someday.)
So, I just read through the responses from the entries over the past few days.
Are a few people, um, missing their sense of humor? It seems as if there are some folks who protest the existance of Coastopia may be need to run to the nearest Lost & Found...to find that sense of humor. If they don't remember what it looks like because they haven't seen it in a really long time....that is really, really sad.
Look. Democrats have had to listen to SO much meanness and pettiness since the days of Newt Gingrich...the sniping, the Limbaugh-ing, the Coulter-ing. If we want to bitch and moan and complain, you know what? We earned it. We ARE allowed. And if we want to wear t-shirts and dream about something different than where we are right now...guess what? We earned it. We ARE allowed.
So, you can move along now. I think Wolf Blitzer is on soon.
I think we should seriously consider annexing Wisconsin as well. Truly Feingold really is the most liberal person in the Senate--plus where will all the folks living in Illinois go on vacation otherwise?
I love the idea of American Coastopia too. And who cares what the conservative right thinks?
BTW did you see this?
A Modest Proposal
http://www.boingboing.net/2004/11/04/my_modest_proposal_t.html
Hey there!
I am Bev's cousin...and I just wanted to tell you that I have created a cult of people at The George Washington University who are love and are dedicated to American Coastopia! I think your idea is fantastic and should be put into effect immediately! And if those conservatives continue to bother you...keep in mind that you have an army of Coastopians here at GW ready to fight!
we love you!
jessi
1. I agree about the sense of humor comment, but in all seriousness, let's find Osama no matter what party you're in, AND protect our ports and nuclear power plants. Otherwise we really will have to find another place to live - and Canada ain't gonna be far enough.
2. For prez of Coastopia, I nominate a dog.
3. For conservatives, I care about moral issues, too, but tolerance of other lives and concern for the poor IS part of moral values. It's definitely part of Christianity. If you call that bleeding-heart liberalism, then so be it -- BUT we need an equivalent term, like cold-hearted conservativism.
I just did a websearch. Did you know that Neal Pollack actually responded to the Coastopia post on his website? You're bad, you're nationwide.
Yeah, I saw Pollack's website. Doesn't have a "comments" section, which is pretty weak, in my opinion.
Vermont representing as well, tho we do want some kind of special status, 'cause, well, we're Vermont. There's even an article about how enlightened we are:
Pollack didn't link to you, either, which I thought was tres lame.
He doesn't have comments because it would just get too rowdy in there all the time. Comments work only for blogs of a certain size. Too small (like mine) and the paucity of comments just shows how few readers you have; too big (like Pollack's, and like yours seems poised to become) and you'd have to spend too much time and energy fending off the trolls.
As Salem said so well, nothing's more mind-numbing and life-force-depleting than arguing directly with a W fan. When it comes to shouting matches, the reality-based community is at a distinct disadvantage against the faith-based one, as we're open-minded enough to admit we *might* be wrong. They're on a mission from God.
To be dissed by Pollack, though, I'd consider an honor. You've got to love a guy like him, eternally willing to call bullshit on either side. Which does put him a notch above Dennis Miller or (dare-I-say-it-here?) Michael Moore in my book.
And there's a great truth in his closing remark:
"Turn your outraged attention toward President Bush, his government, and his policies. Leave the people who voted for him alone."
I mean, you read the PIPA report. We've got to shepherd the sheeple, not judge 'em. They're good folks, mostly, but truly, they know not what they do.
Sean M, I *loved* the IQ post, and your earlier ones. You and I are birds of a feather.
Ian, my brother, thank you for preserving your sense of humor and for the line about legislating dreams. To see straight people stick their neck out for gay rights means more than you probably know. As Kermit the Frog said, it's not easy being green.
The conservative vitriol just proves what we're dealing with. I mean, do I spend my time lurking on conservative Christian sites so I can insult and mock their beliefs? (Tempting but) No. I'd rather spend my time with people I care about.
Keep on blogging, we'll keep on reading. Your energy and your excellent ability to express yourself are creating a community. We've got your back.
I wish there were a way to contact contributors here directly and say howdy, but it's pretty obvious posting email addresses would invite unwanted attention, too. So I'll see you all in Coastopia.
If Pollack calls 'em as he sees 'em, as I think someone above suggested, then his eyesight isn't very good, because he's representing his xtcian excerpts like Ian is offering them up as sincere doctrines and not as the rhetoric-with-a-wink they are. I think the correct and mostly generous interpretation here would be that Pollack did indeed sense that Ian wasn't being entirely straight-up (and that's why [here I get ungenerous] consciously or unconsciously he didn't link back, because he knew that would expose his misrepresentation), but that he viewed this artifice as justified, because he's on a mission to expose and denounce a "kind of talk" he sees as "dangerous for society"--at least, that's what I think he'd have said, if he were being straightforward and clear. As a criticism, I'd say this point has some merit, especially if you lack a sense of humour. But to make the point Pollack's scapegoating Ian, which is bad form (duh!).
Greetings from the eastern shore of Coastopia.
Ok, it took a few days for me to find you guys. But I swear I woke up Wednesday morning thinking back to all the discussion about Two countries, red states, blue states... and decided that if the offer was still on the table, we should take it.
lo and behold, coastopia,thank god...
any way I thought I would d o my part and begin to order bumper stickers. See examples at this link...
http://home.nycap.rr.com/mcganns/
Let me know if you want to join me in this I can order lots more and make them available for a minimal fee. Profits, if any, to the local food bank. By the way I bought my tee shirt
Out
Don't forget that many states now "red" were very close! Not all of us in the middle of nowhere are people you should entirely avoid.
IAN!!! i just read the blog from the 4th... i live in brooklyn... AND I BOUGHT A SHIRT FOR EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY.
good idea... and i'm all in on the bumper stickers!!
Karinne - AWESOME! Hope to see you at Ozzie's...
