November 14, 2004
do mi so, fa la re, do re do
11/14/04
Not to obsess about pop music or anything (there are way better places for that) but there are a number of songs on the radio right now that are making me want to fuckin' puke. God knows I try to keep up with the horseshit that comes cascading from the anuses of Major Labels by listening to the Top 20 on 20 station on the XM Radio, but I often pay for my insolence with three-minute bursts of uncontrollable rage.
Allan Bloom once said that a student listening to a Walkman constituted an act of onanism so utterly self-involved that it was worthy of cultural derision. Being a big fan of my Walkman at the time, I thought he was full of shit. But Bloom never lived long enough to see the careers of Britney Spears, Ashlee Simpson and Lindsay Lohan, three women that would have made his body burst into flame with their gargantuan egos and self-obsession.
All three are so disingenuous it should be criminal. How dare Lindsay Lohan try to be the most famous teen actor on earth, star in three movies this year, fake not having a boob job, release a dreadful POP ALBUM, and then "write" a song called "Rumors," in which she coos "I'm sick of being followed... why can't they back up off me... can you please respect my privacy"? Is she fucking KIDDING?
We've come to expect anything out of Britney, but "My Prerogative" (which I'm assuming she can't spell) is unbelievable, worse than both her marriages. I thought the original was crap, too - and Bobby Brown showed what he could do to Whitney when he was allowed to exercise his, um, prerogative.
What exactly is Britney not allowed to do that she hasn't done already? Why is she singing a song explaining her prerogative, when she has already exhausted every nucleotide in every paparazzi trying to cover her next antic? This is a woman who gets more air time for her bullshit than anyone on earth, and now she's giving US the finger?
And now Ashlee Simpson. Poor, poor Ashlee Simpson. In "Shadow," she sings that she was "living in a nightmare" and "living in the shadow of someone else's dream," presumably, her sister Jessica (which reminds me of that line in Barcelona when Fred asks "What do you call what's above the subtext?" and Ted answers "The text.")
This is a 19-year-old that dared to call her album "Autobiography." Think about that for a minute.
She also fucked up her lip-synching on SNL and then blamed her band (very smooth) and then trotted her dad out to say she had acid reflux. Now, I've had acid reflux. Really bad. Sean's had it so bad that he has thrown up in the middle of the night. Yet there is no acid reflux so terrible that you can't sing your own silly songs. That was a LIE.
And as for being "stuck inside someone else's life and always being second best," let me tell you, Ashlee: nobody wanted to see Picasso's sister's painting either. I'm not aching to hear Paul McCartney's aunt's album, and I'm sure Robert DeNiro's cousin Vince is content with his car dealership. You've managed to get a hit album off your sister's notoriety, but worse, you've got a hit song about how you never had any hit songs because of your sister. Is the irony lost on everyone?
I'm strangely drawn to her, however - maybe it's the nose
Oh yeah, and Hoobastank is a really really stupid name for a band. I hate it. God, how I hate it. GOD I HATE THAT NAME.
Ummm, Ian? You know that the so-called "Top 40" is determined exclusively by the buying and listening habits of 12-year-old girls, right? Paying attention to it at all, much less being outraged by it, is like being outraged by programming changes at Nickelodeon or being outraged because The Limited closed down at your local mall. Why do you care?
Not to suggest that Ashlee and others aren't spoiled brats, but I wouldn't be surprised if those plastic teen stars had marginal creative control at best over the products of their labor. Even the Jackson 5 were performing songs written by others and produced by the Motown machine. And you know the Beatles didn't pick the haircuts and costumes they wore on Ed Sullivan. Meanwhile I doubt the Top40 has ever been an accurate indicator of what it's taken to indicate, but I think it must be ever more artificial nowadays, when the listening habits of most people are determined by just a few folks at Clear Channel HQ, who grant air time in proportion to the amount of money a label can pay.
Implication of what I wrote above being to Jon a) that to suggest the Top40 measures something important about 12 year olds is probably to over-estimate what it actually measures and so b) if Ian isn't looking to it to learn something important about 12 year olds, he might still be learning what he's out to learn (e.g. simply what's going into a lot of American ears) and to Ian d) that I think you're crediting these artists with more control over their "artistry" and their lives than they deserve and to everybody else e)I do know what letter in the alphabet comes after d and am willing to go all the way to z if pressed.
jon & oliver: you guys have got to stop saying everything there is to be said in the first couple of comments.
Yes, the Corporation declares that you will love Ashlee Simpson. You will love Ashlee Simpson music and you will buy it. You will buy it now.
That being said, it IS sad that 12-year-olds are listening to this crap, for whatever reason. I can't help but think that a steady diet of bland music will mold them into bland people.
I discussed this phenomenon with some friends over the weekend, but in the context of food. How, in the old, mostly-sane supply-demand model, consumer demand drove suppliers to make stuff; but how, now, suppliers *create* demand for the stuff *they* want to make, usually stuff that's super cheap to make.
Note the ubiquity of high-fructose corn syrup and partially-hydrogenated soybean oil. I mean, that's what this music is, really.
Although, Britney Spears' 'Toxic' is a pretty well-crafted pop song, and Richard Thompson's cover of 'Oops, I did it Again,' while rich with irony, does show that people who love music (not Britney, but her songwriters/studio musicians) can't help but to strive for excellence, even when they're being paid to create schmeck.
All in all, it makes me want to listen to ABBA.
Ian,
Thanks for the link! By helping a sista out like this, I feel like YOUR the Jessica Simpson and I'M the Ashlee- although, I promise not to let my acid reflux get in the way of my blogging.
I actually did a complimentary post about how hideous the CD covers of these albums are, but I enjoyed your perspective as well and agree fully.
I'm just as irritated by the Lindsay Lohan/Ashlee CDs and I'd like to say I don't care, but it's hard not to. I like music from all genres and age groups and while I might not be in Lindsey's demographic, I have 15 neices and nephews that are and I'll be damned if they grow up thinking THIS is music. That's why when I visit them (my neices/nephs), I take them to a music store, allow each of them to pick out a CD of their choosing, but also buy them a CD (like the Beatles, The Police, XTC...or something more current). That way, they can have some perspective and weigh out what's good and what isn't.Pop stars jump the shark when they start singing about themselves and their plans for being defiant and demanding "respect for privacy..." and they are only 17...actually, it's not cool for anyone at any age to be singing self absorbed songs because really--- nobody cares.
Oh, and Hoobastank...next to String Cheese Incident, really IS one of the worst band names ever.
This entire blog entry - Ian's stuff, plus everyone else's posts to present - cracks me up. I'm sure our parents and our parents' parents were saying the same thing back in the day. Remember/did you read about all the hullabaloo the Beatles' music (and hair, for that matter) stirred up? And how "rock 'n roll" was the music of the devil? Hell, my folks cringed at INXS for crying out loud -- my dad preferred Pink Floyd, Sea Train and Traffic. People have been bitching about the decline of music (and the sorry-ass people who perform it) since well before Mozart hit the scene. We'll survive, so will our kids, and some decent music is still yet to be made.
Relax everyone and have a Cape Cod.
I watched The Who's "The Kids Are Alright" last night. I recommend it highly. Given the sphincter juice sprayed about these days, it was interesting to hear the brilliant Pete Townsend -- nearly 40 years ago -- admit that few fans care about "quality" music but, instead, care a great deal about showmanship (such as smashing guitars), clothing, and hair cuts. In the ensuing years the business of popular music gradually eliminated all the content that is wastefully irrelevant to making money, including quality.
hoobastank is a wretched name. there was a band playing at some hardcore show in the city a couple of months ago called Face Down In Shit. That is also not a good band name.
kvetching about the top 40 is silly - but i think its an easy target so we dont have to obsess about the really important things in this world. i say leave britney and the rest alone - the jesus freaks who elected w and dick this time probably hate her too so i am going to cut her and the rest of the tween stars some slack. if you have ever been or raised a 12 year old girl it somehow is easier to understand!
Harold Bloom's not dead.
Quite amusing, Ian. Good Show! I've been reading your blog for awhile after stumbling onto it whilst googling someone who appears to be a mutual friend. Found your stuff witty and insightful and had to keep reading.
If you want to dump your Ashlee Simpson CD , check the link below. Copy/paste of the gist follows:
The Knitting Factory along with H.O.P.E. (Horrified Observers of Pedestrian Entertainment) are offering the good people of America who have been duped into buying Ashlee Simpson's CD a reprieve; the opportunity to turn in her CD for one of a higher entertainment quality. Just bring your Ashlee Simpson CD down to the Knitting Factory Box Office between 10 and 5 PM Mon thru Sat and get one by the likes of Elvis Costello, The Ramones, X, Jimmy Page and Robert Plant, Aretha Franklin, Mr. Bungle, Ray Charles, Abe Lincoln Story, Grateful Dead, Neil Hamburger, Joni Mitchell, and Brian Wilson (while supplies last / selections vary) courtesy of Rhino Records in replacement. If you're in a city outside NYC, contact Hopeinfilm@aol.com or visit www.hopeinamerica,com for an exchange.
IAN,
Between the 70's shlock and 2004 top 40 posts!!
I don't know which is worse. Understood you
want to keep a close pulse of popular culture
and whatnot, but damn boy.You wanna good band name, how bout FUCK
http://www.fuck.addr.com/html/tourdates.htmlActually mighty fine stuff, not what you think
from a band named FUCK.Other recommendations:
Cookie Galore: good synth pop
DJ Harry: awesome trippy grooves
Robyn Hitchcock's latest _Spooked_
Makrosoft, _Journey to Vaginus_: awesome
The Futureheads: can hear XTC influence for sureMIGHT hear them on XM
but probably not.just giving the subversion some props
Yikes, Mike's right. I meant to say ALLAN Bloom (corrected in post).
That HopeInAmerica thing is awesome. Now that Kerry's lost, maybe that's the way to go.
Someone mentioned Richard Thompson, ahhh Shoot out the Lights, a classic.
Eh, I'm still coming to terms with feeling ancient at 24.
Apparently, I'm still in the game, because I knew who the aforementioned crap-spewers are, but mostly I huddle around my cd changer for warmth and pointedly avoid the radio. Started doing that back when they started playing All-Creed-All-the-Time.
Oh Soundgarden, where art thou?
Ishie
Maroon 5 is the best band i ever heard but ya hoobastank sucks!!