12/6/04
I'm psyched that He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys has become a huge bestseller, not just because its success bodes well for another project I'm working on, but also because co-writer Liz Tuccillo is a friend of Tessa's, and wrote an awesome off-Broadway play about basketball called Joe Fearless. Which happened to star our very own Matty Dawson. Lots of talent all around.
"He's Just Not That Into You" also has a pretty great message for anyone in the dating world (replace "He's" with "She's" and you boys can use it too), which, reasonably distilled, means "if you think something's wrong, it is."
American bookbuyers, AM radio listeners and talk show audiences will always stand in line to be abused; people like nothing better than to be told to fucking shape up. You'd think a country that loves to blame blacks and gays for their problems would employ the same deflection in their entertainment, but Dr. Phil, Dave Ramsey and half the non-fiction section at Barnes & Noble employs an S&M guide to self-betterment that begins with a good dose of self-flagellation. Americans love to be told they suck. It must provide for them a "bottoming out," from which they can arise (they think) like the phoenix from ash.
"Just Not That Into You" provides the same service with the obligatory spoonful of sugar necessary for your average East Village bachelorette already five years out of college and flummoxed by men (I'd say the first problem with dating men in New York is that you're dating men in New York - this place seems to have Chapel Hill's 3 to 1 female/male ratio). The book's sentiment is thus: if a guy wants you, you will know in no uncertain terms. Any confusion forbodes disaster.
If you are reading this blog, or if you made it to New York at all, it means you are a special person that is far and away above the average intelligence level in this country. I'm sorry, but it's true. And the price of that intelligence is that you are most likely a singular creature, not like anyone else out there, and thus, probably a weirdo.
You've known you were a weirdo for a long time, even fetishized it perhaps, made it an indelible part of your character. But by separating yourself out, you've made yourself attractive to relatively few people. Thus, for romances to work out, your crushes have to GET you, in that Heinlein "grok" sense, they have to see your idiosyncrasies and actually find them endearing. It's no wonder so many fantastic women (and men) struggle so much to find a partner when, curiously, they have worked for years to take themselves out of the running.
The solution?
a) change and be normal, which is impossible
b) wait, wait, wait, and then FINALLY someone falls UNBELIEVABLY in love with you.
I have waited years for women to fall in love with my weird friends, and it finally happened. I have cried tears of laughter with some of the funniest people on the planet, and then watched as it took a decade for anyone else to get the joke. Here's to the women and men who finally got what my fabulously bizarre social circle was all about - and to the rest of you, you'd better act fast and fall in love with a dork, because there's only a few of us left.
Posted by irw at December 6, 2004 10:47 PMHey, who are you calling a weirdo? How'd you know?
Lucky for me, I found my dork and he found me almost 25 years ago!
Thanks for putting it into words. Dorks make great husbands!
You're a tad too late. This dork has already found a she-dweeb who snapped him right up (on the rebound from a she-spaz, as it turned out).
What I want to know is, did your wife's friend have to display any educational or social qualifications to write a self-help book? I know I've got a "Get Confident, Stupid!" book in me, half of which will be the same foofy anecdotes the other ones all use, and I want to know if the publishers will reject it solely because I don't have a psychology degree or something.
I want to cash in on the fad. I want to pose on the cover of my book in a suit, smiling with all 32 teeth showing and pointing out at the reader. I want to tell them that Abraham Lincoln suffered an unbroken string of failiures his whole life before becoming President. I want to rhapsodize aboutthe bumblebee that flies anyway. I want to give seminars for $500 a head in which I tell people to make collages and visualize what they want people to say about them at their funerals. I want an AM radio show where everyone calls me when they want Daddy to tell them they've been a bad boy.
Really, this stuff is so easy, I can do it. So why not? The question is, can I get away with just plagiarizing from the other 40,000 or so books that all steal from each other, or should I do something distinctive and controversial, like tell them that going to church is sucking away their souls?
ok..this is going to sound odd and crazy, but..liz tuccillo has a daughter named beth..beth is my ex boyfriend billy's (we are still good friends) best friend. AND beth's sister, corinne, is his sister Kris's best friend. SMALL WORLD!
Where are the remaining dorks? Names/blog addresses please. ;)
Anyway, Piglet, you probably do have the right qualifications. The problem with "He's Not That Into You" is that there isn't a lot of psychological insight. I like the message: Don't put up with jerks. But there's one letter in there (it's an amalgam, not a real letter) from a woman who says she was dating a guy for six months and then he disappeared without explanation. Six months! She is told that he's a jerk and to move on. I agree, but I coulda used more insight on why a guy disappears after six months. If someone can't expect a modicum of respect after six months, how are we to trust anyone? The book is a bit thin between its hard covers. So, if any of you guys writes a book, I hope you can provide more insight.
And I agree: Dorks rule! And you gotta hold out for love, because it's the only thing that'll get you through all the rough spots.
I prefer geek to dork. This geek married up in a big way - to a hot doctor no less. The system works as was once evidenced by our poster boy Lyle Lovett.
Geek, dork or weirdo, any way you slice it, the title fits. I completely expect my wife to wake up one morning and realize what a mistake she's made. Then again, she may wake up every morning thinking that!
I never knew I was a dork until I realized I was completely different and that every woman I dated seemed to think I was a bit "off". Then one day I ran into a quirky, French,well read, childhood Catholic, who made my heart flip ten times. We talked, drank, fell in bed and in love. After 36 years I was starting to give up and then, bam... I found another dork just like me....
"You'd think a country that loves to blame blacks and gays for their (sic) problems..."
What the...?
Aww, what a sweet post. I am still seeking my very own special dork and I haven't given up hope yet. I have, however, given up the hope of finding one while I am still of childbearing age. So I decided over the past few months that I will likely be getting pregnant on my own within the next twelve months. So it was exciting to hear that you and Tessa are about sixteen months ahead of me. A belated congratulations!
And send any eligible dorks my way, please.
I am living proof that 31 years as a solitary weirdo does not make you ineligible for true love. I was getting quite happy with my single condition, and then I found that freak who totally gets me! http://www.flickr.com/photos/rubyji/429008/
Ruby, you look awesome!