March 15, 2005
rose by another name
3/15/05
I would like talk to you about the color pink.
Pink is one of my favorite colors, and figures prominently in my life. I have been more than happy to wear a pink blazer to my fourth grade portrait, even though it meant getting beat up by the bike rack; I have no problem posing with pink trees or wearing a pink ensemble, when it comes down to it. I even made a movie based on my wonderful friends called The Pink House and painted our car pink in the process.
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So why is it, then, when I found out we were having a daughter, that I wanted avoid all things pink? Part of our don't-tell-us-the-gender plan for the baby was based, subconsciously, on my desire not to get a vat of pink onesies from well-wishers knowing we were having a baby of the female persuasion .(Turns out Matt and Carrie bought us a pink onesie anyway, but it's awesome).
And baby stores DO NOT make it easy for you. Sure, Buy Buy Baby has the occasional green and purple barf bib, but there are basically two colors in babyland, blue and this:
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Tessa hunts for something other than pink
I guess I was trying to make a statement. That we weren't going to have any sort of forced gender compliance with our daughter, and it was going to start at the very beginning. I asked Kent to get us something other than pink, and he said, "sure - how about Goth Black?" Oh, how I wish there were.
Not wearing pink would be the first in a "how we're doing things different" regime that would also let her enjoy sports, never care about Seventeen magazine, not fall for the first dumbshit boy who comes her way, and we'd never have to revive her inner Ophelia.
I also had similar feelings about the name: we had a few favorites, but I'm not going to force any of them on her. We were going to wait until she popped out to see what she had in mind. Now, as the day gets closer, I realize I'm mostly being an idiot.
For the first three months of the baby's life, it's just a beige-pink blob fighting for survival. Its habitat is the three inches closest to your own skin, and it not only has NO OPINION on its name, but it could freakin' care less about the color of its booties.
Maybe I should relax, just let the endless pink wash over me. It is such a handsome color; I do love it so. Perhaps it won't be so bad for our little girl to have a few pink things after all. Pink pink pink pink zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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help
maybe they make little ups uniforms for babies. brown's neutral, and a career as a ups driver makes a statement. not too many women driving those big vans.
Background: UNC alum '92, reader of Wednesday's Child and now your blog.
Ian,
I feel your pain. We had triplets (2 girls and a boy) just over 3 years ago and our daughters are identical. This meant that color coding was in our future. You think it is hard to avoid pink with one, try it with two. Unfortunately it proved to be an impossible task and we had a "pink one" and "yellow one".As they get older we have had to resort to making shirts for them that express "their" views on the world.
I just wanted to share with you a couple of those shirts which, by the way, are not pink.
http://www.dollfamily.org/photos/2004/index.html
That's terrific that you are going to let your daughter express herself and not be forced into any ideals that dominate the world around her.
So what happens when she decides she really loves royal blue and Duke becomes her favorite team?
rebecca, i love, LOVE, lurv your kids' shirts at dollfamily.org. how brilliant of you to make them (the cute kids AND the t-shirts)!! as a parent of triplets you probably don't have too much spare time but i encourage you to start your own blog for everyone out here curious about life with multiples (politically progressive ones at that!).
cheers also for the baby ups uniform idea. original and pragmatic!
regarding pink, it was my older son's favorite color from about age 4 to 5 (he's now 6 and declares purple as his fave). he changed faves due to the mercurial whims of youth, not because of teasing or pressure. amazingly his pink socks or pink balloon or whatever never garnered jeers at the time (i guess because his peers were equally innocent and not yet indoctrinated in what's "proper" for which gender), but since that period, when his dad or i have mentioned it to fellow parents, many of them have saddened us by their freaked-out-ness that we "allowed" nathan to carry on with his pink preference. i mean, what the hell?! kids like what they like!
good on you, ian, for earnestly trying not to program your little sweetie right off the bat. may she grow up to enjoy all the colors of the spectrum.
Embrace the pink. It will weigh heavily in your future.
I tried to steer our daughter Helen towards Carolina blue, but when she was old enough to talk and express her opinion, it was all about pink and purple. In fact, between the ages of 2 1/2 and 3, Helen insisted on wearing ONLY pink and purple. No, I am not kidding. And the only way to get her to preschool and us to work on time was to honor her request. She literally wore pink and purple only for 6 months. Each and every day. This period was immediately followed by the summer in which she would only wear PowerPuff Girl clothes. Again, I am not kidding. I boxed up all the adorable (and expensive) Gymboree outfits I had purchased previously, bought 5 PowerPuff Girl shirt/short sets at Walmart, and that was her summer ensemble.
Ironically, she is now 5 and attends a Catholic school wherein she happily wears the plaid uniform each day, without complaint. Lesson learned: let you child express herself -- you are not overindulging her when you do so, and you might be amused by her choices. Of course, this rule of thumb may change when Helen hits the teenage years, but for now, it is a good guideline.
Rebecca,
Holy cow! I thought I was the only regular reader of Ian's blog with triplets. We have 2 boys and a girl who will turn 3 in May. We also have a 19 month old singleton girl (surprise!).So far we have avoided color coding or dressing alike, but I gotta admit it's kinda fun to make the girls look "girly" now and then. Unfortunately, the triplets are now wanting to have more input into their clothing choices and I fear that I will soon long for the days when their outfits simply matched - regardless of the color.
I love the t-shirts by the way.
www.Zutano.com is your friend.
Let me assure you, Ian, that the more you and Tessa avoid the pink, the more your munchkin will crave it. I have a 23 yr old son. We never let a toy gun pass through the portals of our house. He is now a cop.
I'm just sayin'.
I've been there - oh, I've been there. Baby colors in general suck Easter eggs, the only pastel I can handle is my toothpaste. Fortunately, there's Hanna Andersson, which has great colors for babies. H&M has a baby division that's of a similar palette - it must be a Euro thing. And if you're serious about going all goth, we got our wee one his first "Anarchy In The Pre-K" shirt here.
Bloody stupid html. Goth/punk baby stuff to be had at http://www.luckylildevil.com/.
boy or girl, it's all about Carolina Blue. The important thing here is for Tessa to not go into labor on a game day. I'd recommend she go into labor on a Tuesday, so you can all be home for a Friday tipoff.
Ian - email me your address and I'll pop a slightly used UNC jumper in the mail to you - you can't have too much Carolina gear.
I think it's great for you to let her find her own way once she's old enough. Maybe you should give her as much of the rainbow as possible to start?
If you're having trouble finding "not-pink for gurrrls," I suggest The Fleece Circus: http://www.fleececircus.com/babies.html
I think little girls have got it good. You may have to search for colors other than pink but they simply don't make such colors for boys. In addition to the most lovely colors, butterflies, ladybugs and flowers are limited to girls. My little boy loves all of these, but it's as if the world's afraid he'd turn gay if he were to wear them. Little girls, on the other hand, are celebrated with nature's most beautiful colors and creatures and can still be cool little tomboys in dinosaur suits, if they choose.
As long as people are offering suggestions, I'll mention that you should check out Orange Blossom, if you haven't already. It's a very funky kids clothing store on Lincoln Place in Park Slope that ventures far, far away from the pink and blue tyranny of Baby Gap et al. It's a little pricey, but has loads of unusual items. (Full disclosure: It is owned by two good friends of mine, so I'm not an unbiased reviewer.) Hope all is well!
Ian, have Tessa check out the baby clothes at:
http://www.hannaandersson.comLots of non-pink choices for girls, lots of bright colors and fun stuff. Their knit clothing is very well made and the dyes don't fade after washing. I used to buy this brand in bright colors for our daughter who, now that she's a teenager, *wants* to wear pink all the time. 8-/
- Anne
embrace the pink. i tried to fight it many years ago (my daughter is now 24) and she went through the pink/purple phase which drove me nuts. i let her wear whatever she wanted and even let her get barbie dolls when she got to that phase. fear of raising a pageant contestant were for naught. the pink didnt seem to affect her at all. and dont forget that the best selling mini ipod is that pink one!!
i was on a plane yesterday and sat in front of a young couple with a six month old daughter who was dressed in blue and they were really bent out of shape when people made references to their adorable son. i wanted to tell them how cute their son was and when they would snap "its a girl" i would get a shocked look on my face and then say "oh, never mind" but didnt want to have a security incident on todays gestapo airlines.
and count this as another vote for hanna andersson clothes! really nice stuff - some of it also comes in pink!
"I think little girls have got it good..."
Hehe--can't resist:
"Girls can wear jeans
And cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots
’cause it’s ok to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
’cause you think that *being* a girl is degrading
But secretly you’d love to know what it’s like
Wouldn’t you
What it feels like for a girl"
There is one thing that plans cannot change and no meaure of intellect can restrain. That one thing is what will happen to Daddy Ian when he holds his baby girl against his heart. From that moment on your intellect will be at war with a force as strong as nature. Tessa will listen in dismay as she hears you gush "princess", "angel", "precious flower", etc....
We all (with the exception of my mother) want our children to be raised without feeling restricted by conventional perceptions of gender, but she is going to melt your heart like the girliest of girls. It's just different, no matter how you plan.
Our small company makes knitwear accessories for women (and coordinating dog sweaters by the way), and now we're starting to do a line for children. Starting out small to see how well it does. Anyway, I don't have children, but always wanted a little girl and always wanted to be able to put her in black -- not goth, just cute black clothes. Anyway, we're thinking of doing some black sweaters/hats/scarves and some black/brown combinations of same for kids. So, here's my question -- would any of you parents buy such black pieces for your children? And question number two, would your kids wear them?
Carolyn-
I'd suggest posting this to a current entry - just go to www.xtcian.com and add it to the comments on the top entry. There are tons of parents there to answer your questions.
As for me, the answers are:
1. yes, we bought 4-5 things in black
2. yes, because we'll make them think it's cool