5/5/05
JJE asked me if the "5 S's" from the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD were working, and I thought I'd just go ahead and say what's been good luck for us as Lucy turns 3 weeks old. For the uninitiated, HBOTB uses Dr. Harvey Karp's method of getting newborns to shut the hell up, and they all start with S: Shushing, Swaddling, Side (laying the baby on its side or stomach), Swinging and Sucking.
Are those blog readers not having kids totally bored yet? Good.
Lucy responds to swaddling when we put her to bed for the night, but at any other time, she shadowboxes her way out of that fucker in about fourteen seconds. Her legs are so strong that she kicks herself free, and then the rest of it just pisses her off. We've had to resort to the Swaddle Me thing with velcro, so we can straightjacket her torso while leaving her legs free to thrash around.
If you've ever seen the "Happiest Baby" DVD, Dr. Karp quiets these kids in an almost miraculous fashion, and it's true, the shit works. However, like anything, it works until it doesn't anymore, which ranges from 45 minutes to 4.5 minutes.
We subscribe to the whole "attachment parenting" thing, because a) we're young and foolish, and b) there's no such thing as Lucy "crying it out." We've tried that, and she works herself into such a furious lather that her body heats up like an iron skillet and she makes Chopes hide in the bathroom. After a total meltdown, however, she's ready for her 4-5 hour sleep, which has been a GODSEND.
Here's what we've figured out: almost all babies go apeshit at some point in the evening. Their nervous system, tired from a day full of input, needs to reset, so they just explode as a way of de-fragmenting their hard drive. This has nothing to do with you as a parent, it's just the way newborns are wired. Once you come to grips with this, your empathy is contagious.
I don't mean to say that Lucy is a fussy baby or colicky; she is a normal newborn with a few fussy periods. I still wonder how Matt McM. and Carrie survived Cogan's three months of screaming, in fact, I'd give those guys a guest day on the blog to tell the whole story, which sounds harrowing and ultimately redemptive.
But, in brief, these are the ways we get Lucy to cool her jets:
1. Swaddling and rocking. Shushing does not work for Lucy, although we have a very engrossing white noise machine (actually an air purifier) that recreates the womb in our bedroom.
2. I tap her back lightly with two fingers, simulating Tessa's slow heartbeat (50 bpm or so).
3. THE SLING. Works wonders, and is the way dad can earn his fucking keep for once. We like the New Native Carrier, as it is easy on the back. Tessa is wearing it here.
4. The pacifier - annoying, because you need to hold it in her mouth for her (she doesn't have the skill set yet) but man, it works in a pinch. Unless of course, she doesn't want it, and then your neighbors will know it.
5. Your confidence. I honestly think that 85% of first-time parenting is not freaking out when your baby does. If you keep your cool, and refuse to be daunted, the kid will eventually follow suit. Even during the loudest screams, when nothing is working, just try to maintain your sense of the absurd.
6. Marrying a superstar like my wife. God, she is so great. I get weepy just thinking about how awesome a mom she is, after only three weeks. She's had a rough couple of days with Ol' Ironsides, and she still soldiers through. She's my hero and I love her like heroin.
I want first dibs on your hopefully forthcoming parenting book. Seriously. You're telling it like it is and as it should be, and I don't even have kids. Hallelujah for reasonable parenting.
I'll be printing this out for future reference.Mahalo nui loa,
lisa
Whatever you do, stay away from that binky. Kids who get pushed around in strollers with those dopey things in their mouths look as if someone plugged them up. Which they did. You see 3-year olds all over the place trying to talk around them, and mothers temporarily pulling them out of the kid's mouth to allow them to express themselves. If you don't start, you don't have go through the whole ordeal of "robbing the binky and inflicting damage on your child's psyche," either.
Walking and holding. That's sometimes all that works. We all remember those desperate hours (mine were between, say, 5-7) when nothing seemed to work to calm the baby down. But it does pass. It really does. Honest.
Many thanks, Ian!
What the hell is all this stuff you have bought? Who is Dr. Karp? What is this New Native Carrier? My little one is almost 6 years old, but we didn't have ANY of this stuff at Baby SuperStore when my husband and I were doing our part to boost the US economy with all our must-have purchases. I may as well be driving around without a carseat and letting Helen ride her bike without a helmet like our parents did -- I am so out of touch with the young parents of today.
Anyway, I am glad to see that you are following some of the methods we used which worked. I guess I am not so out of touch! Swaddling is good -- although I swaddled the old fashioned way, with a blanket and my own hands wrapping her up. Pacies are good, too -- although I see that there is some disagreement in your blog audience. The holding and singing technique is always comforting. My baby loved to listen to me sing Cat Stevens as we danced around the room. In fact, we both still sing "Peace Train" on the way home from school each week!
You guys are doing such a great job with Lucy. She is so lucky to have such attentive, caring parents. Keep up the good work and have a great Mother's Day weekend.
Hey, look! If you have not already gotten a Mother's Day gift for Tessa, this is available:
http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/retail/2005-05-05-pricey-strollers_x.htm
Looks more comfortable than my Honda Civic.
Here's another soothing idea that worked amazingly for us. Step outside. I don't know if it was the fresh air or just a change of environment, but going outside every evening during the crying session really calmed our baby.
Also, I know someone suggested not using a pacifier. The pacifier really helped us and our son started rejecting it at 9 mos. It seemed to me a breastfed baby realized the real thing was a heck of a lot better! I have friends, also breastfeeders, who had the same experience.
I hate to be the first one to tell you this but facts are facts....if your child cries at any point during the day then it is indeed a reflection of your poor parenting skills and lack of devotion and you will have let down not only your daughter but verily the rest of the human race.
Like clockwork, during the first 3 months or so would have one main fussy period always starting around 6 or 7 and lasting an hour or 2. Right when we wanted to sit down and have dinner after a long day. Someone had given us one of those $100 swings that I didn't register for or want, and had yet to take back. Glorious once we busted it out. Called it the "dinner swing." Took care of his grumpiness and we could relax over dinner. Now it sits with all the other monstrosities we received in the basement(lifesaver) until the next kid shows up.
Remember she's not exploding at you, she's exploding WITH you.
Wasn't there some sort of proposed ban on "binky-speak" while on this site Schmoopy?
When Lucy gets old enough to sit up on her own, the exersaucer or bouncy swing thing that hangs from the doorway is a nice bit of gear to have. All Hail the Dinner Swing -- we used to call it that too! We perscribed to the whole attachment parenting thing too, and it was the most wonderful cosy, bonding 8 months of our lives. Sadly, months 9 through 16 were HELL as our daughter didn't get the memo that stated the family bed wasn't working anymore, but it all passes with time. I think my 3 year old daughter's abundant self-confidence and assurance in us & her environment was helped along by "what feels right" parenting" that first year. I'm so happy that you're sharing your stories with us; isn't it cool that so many strangers across the globe keep your family in their thoughts and greater concern.:)
Has it been three weeks already?
Mon dieu!
Since nobody has asked and our house has been a lactation dojo for two kids, can I inquire as to where ye are if anywhere at all w/breastfeeding?
I love that baby strong legs stuff--all the better to box your ass out with.Curiously engorged and encouraged by all ya'll,
George S. Titty, ESQuirt
Bravo! In three weeks you have already figured it out with item #5. Confidence is everything! (if I recall babies start to mellow out from that newborn frenzy daily crying spell at about 6 weeks.)
And way to go with item #6 - being amazed and in awe of Tessa as a mother! In a few weeks (or months) when life with Lucy seems easier, (it will) remember to tell her that again (and again!!) Mothers need positive reinforcement (see item #5) to make it through.
And as for the pacifier issue, a pediatrician told me that babies need to suck and (especially if you breastfeed) the kid can't get enough sucking from the breast so a pacifier does the job. The trick is to throw it out once the kid starts pointing at it!!
why don't you guys try earplugs...?
and where's that nanny?
Don't listen to the binky bashing here. (Yep, that's what we call it.) Take your peace where you can get it. At a year, it was relagated to the crib for sleeping only. For the last few weeks we have been going through "binkycide" (slowly cutting down the tip every few days) and it has been **painless.** Soon it will be a nubby thing and, not long after that, it will be a thing of the past - no fuss, no trauma.
Maybe I should have gotten your sling. Mine kills my back.
i like no. 5. the rest are crap.
Trenchant observation, Portland.
OBVIOUSLY, Portland doesn't know Tessa, else s/he would not be so quick to dismiss #6. We all have our heroin(es), and they should be praised loudly and often and loved
with a mighty love. You go, Ian!
I don't even know you two (though I feel like I know a little of you, through faithful reading of the site), and I'm impressed by Tessa's mothering abilities, not to mention your generosity in reporting them. Happy Mother's Day, Tessa!