August 24, 2005
everyone's a captain kirk
8/24/05
One obvious by-product of our zany Hollywood sojourns is the frequent spotting of stars past and present in pretty much every place we go. We've dealt with many kinds of stars - from last year's Naked TV show, which had people on the brink of fame - to Lucy's unbelievable amount of flirting and smiling with currently-hot Rachel Weisz and Famke Janssen last week.
The other sort of celebrity is one whose star has faded, and obviously, they're the most populous. You see them sitting at the next table at lunch, pulling up to the stoplight in an old BMW, even yakking it up in a bar with a few similarly ex-famous friends. American culture cruelly calls these people "has-beens," but today Tessa decided that she thinks being a "has-been" is actually quite nice. She figures it absolves you of past experience and allows you - if you let it - to get on with the next phase of your life.
I'm with her on that one, because the snarky assholes who always go on about "has-been" are never-weres themselves, most likely having never distinguished themselves in any field except sarcasm and schadenfreude.
The same goes for music snobs talking shit about "one-hit wonders": they have one more hit than you ever had, you sniping butthole. Sure, you can denigrate Nena and Animotion all you want, but they also have a nice platinum record hanging in the hallway if you ever want to visit.
I say be nice to your has-beens; they put themselves out on the line for you, brought happiness to your younger, less cynical self, and ask for nothing in return but a simple nod and smile in their direction. Oh, and maybe the upper right-hand box on Hollywood Squares.
Shhh...dude, you have to tell us who you saw. Just whisper it. Was it any of these people?
hey - Nena is huge in Germany - then and now! Sie ist kein 'war-sein' - sie ist immer heiss - heute und gestern!
although - i suppose David Hasselhof is also huge there... hmmm...
I agree with the fact that 'has-beens' have achived more fame than most of us 'never-beens', but I witnessed an episode in which a has-been tried to secure a table at a popular Chicago restaurant (on a busy Friday night) by using his faded fame. I felt really sad seeing him try and almost wanted to give up my table for him but he eventually gave up and left.
tongue long!
animotion is the perfect example of a "has-been" group deserving of affection rather than derision -- at least for many people who attended high school in the 80s. whenever 'fascination' or 'obsession' pops up when i'm driving or at the grocery store (like, once a year), i feel 17 again. my 'younger, less cynical self' blooms again for the precious three minutes of the song, and i could burst with the possibility of it all. then the song ends, a backstreet boys song begins, and -- pop! -- my happy bubble bursts and i'm back in 2005 with W having been re-elected and the US embroiled in a war that was officially declared 'mission accomplished' two years ago. harrumph.
well, i guess the US was in plenty of deep doo-doo also back when animotion was hot -- i.e. iran-contra, el salvador, supply side economics, etc. -- but for a self-absorbed teen, ignorance was bliss.
block pulls out the Metal Flake Mother reference - nicely done sir.
my question is, how well does the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle apply to has beens? (quite nicely, I think)
William Shatner has a good track regarding Has-beens on his latest album.
lyle - I was in a bicycle shop yesterday, and "Shiny Shiny" by Haysi Fantayzee came on the in-store music. I was instantly *teleported* back to 1983, listening to this bizarre song for the first time in bed on my headphones after I was supposed to be asleep.
That music was ... the future. And as Yogi Berra put it so well, the future ain't what it used to be.
My latest brush with a has-been: having to step aside to let Crispin Glover step off of a shuttle bus at Sundance.
You are a [bright beacon of hope for all of us]. I hope someone does the world a favor and [gives you lots of sugar cereals].
[edited by the Moderator]
Just online and checking out your blog. Who the hell is Jason McKean? What the fuck is the deal with his message? Unless his comment is some kind of obscure Animotion lyric that I don't know about, I would block him.
I mean, WTF??? This got my blood pressure up.
Fuck you, Jason McKean. We are a protective bunch of blog readers, we love Ian, he is a father with a young baby for God sake, and I don't appreciate your sentiment at all. Oh, and I did I already say, "Fuck You"?
Laurie, don't worry about "Jason McKean." I fixed his comments.
charlie thanks you for the homage to his father
and by the way i completely agree with you. people sometimes CHOOSE (gasp) other careers besides music, acting, whatever, even when things are heading up. i have a friend who used to act all the time and who had some fame and decided to quit b/c of the people she had to work with everyday. now she works with rescued dogs. to look at people who once were as failures is to ignore or simply not understand the evolution of self. not everyone wants to do the same thing everyday for the rest of their lives.
I didn't know if Jason was for real or not. Later on, I thought perhaps his comment was an obscure quote from a movie. Ugh. And he made me unleash the F word, which I try to save for rare occasions!
Yes, but which movie...
Repo Man?
".......are never-weres themselves, most likely having never distinguished themselves in any field except sarcasm and schadenfreude."
Hmmmmmm.
B2
Hint: Late 80's
Hint: Grossed more than 100 million
Oh badbob, the sad thing is that you think you're awfully clever. Your ability to eternally miss the point is truly something to behold.