12/4/05
Omnitopia Chapter LXVII: Enclosed Shopping Structures
My birth year cohorts (1967) were probably the first to truly come of age in a mall. In the beginning, there was "downtown," and Cedar Rapids, IA had a damn fine one back in the early '70s, including a Curiosity Shoppe of some sort where you could buy globes of the Moon and my brother Steve got his H.O. track supplies.
Then came the "plaza" and its dirty cousin "the strip mall," where you could find those awful Michaels places and the occasional cafeteria restaurant (we had Bishop's). In my quasi-hometown, ours was called Lindale Plaza, and it had the first arcade place in Iowa, featuring Pong, Tank, Lunar Lander, and a game where you used a continuous puff of air to guide objects (lit by blacklight) through various hoops (Steve, do you remember this one?).
Lindale Plaza, of course, became Lindale Mall - check out the before and after pics - and so did everything else. Some genius figured out that people shop more when their toes aren't falling off from -20 degree wind chill, and voilà, my youth was born.
I bursted into puberty inside a really crappy mall called Military Circle just off the freeway in Norfolk, Virginia. Outside, they had a Flipper McCoy's arcade place, and inside was the record store chain, a Sears, a place where you got huge cookies, and the theater where I saw "Return of the Jedi." Despite its nastiness, we found ourselves there most weekends, and I learned every quirk of every store, much the way all of you did in your hometowns.
Tessa doesn't get malls, nor does she understand why I love them. Perhaps I get the sense of infinite possibility with protection from the weather. Maybe it's because the food court allows you to get two entrees from two different places and fries from another, and a dessert from somewhere else. When people talk shit about malls, I think they don't know how good they've got it.
That said, let's look at some more "ubiquitous environments," shall we?
Dillards, Belk's, Saks, Macy's, Nordstrom's, etc. - Yes, I know some of these are supposed to be "better" than others, but at the butt-end of every mall, you'll find one of these behemoths trying to separate you from your wallet. Not trying very hard, mind you, as customer service in these places can be abysmal for things you want (pants that fit, non-itchy sweaters) but lugubriously overzealous for things you don't (Britney's new perfume).
The floors in these places always depress me - the chipped, scuffed linoleum, juxtaposed with a pair of pleated dress pants - and the amount of makeup worn by the ladies at the counter usually competes with Queen Elizabeth I. The only lady I ever liked was Tessa's mom Sandy, who was the Estee Lauder salesperson in Kerrville, Texas. I'd buy anything from that woman.
Record Bar, Sam Goody, etc. - Can you smell the desperation? When entering these over-loud cheese factories from the outside, you get the feeling that you may be the last generation to pass through these shoplifting alarms. Piss-poor selection and CDs that cost $17.99? Why would any self-respecting 13-year-old bother, when he can get the Shins album for ten bucks on iTunes (or free from Limewire)?
I still go into these place to look at the posters, which, if you haven't noticed, are the same ones from 1981: Bob Marley smoking weed, Janis Joplin with a bottle of Southern Comfort, and a bunch of dancing bears courtesy of the Dead. Throw in the Doritos Girl wearing a bikini, and you sense that Sam Goody will be about as relevant in 2030 as the zoetrope.
Delia's - I never though I'd be jealous of teenage girls, but SHIT they sell cool clothes at this place. It's what Urban Outfitters would be if they were as cool as they think they are, and everything cost half as much. I'm dying to fit into a 12-year-old girl's Orange Crush T-Shirt! I'll just have to wait for Lucy to get old enough to be vaguely ironic.
Urban Outfitters - Speaking of which, I really wish I liked this place better. I know you have to be underweight and preferably a white hipster DJ living in Williamsburg, Brooklyn to have a shot, but really, can't they make stuff for us aging fratboys as well?
We would have been outraged at U.O. back in 1991, selling our irony back to ourselves at $24 a shirt, but now we just sit and take it. How can you possibly wear that "Getting Lucky in Kentucky" T-shirt when 45,000 other too-cool-for-school future art majors already have it?
Banana Republic - I admit, this store hits my sweet spot. Bold, interesting, colorful and classy, I could wear nothing but Ban Rep for the next year and not care what YOU think. It's come a long way from those pith-helmet and bizarre loincloths of the early '80s. And though it can get sort of "guido" every two years or so (and is expensive), I would encourage each of you to get a pinstripe blazer.
Spencer's Gifts - How have these guys managed to stay around for so long? Their current incarnation is of the lowest-common-denominator beer-pong Beavis-humor, but back in my mallrat days, it was the place to go for all your Edible Undie, Joy Jelly and "tobacco water pipe" needs.
They always had the Halloween market cornered with fake teeth and blue hair dye, and usually sold out of Ouija Boards. Spencer's Gifts: if it didn't exist, we'd have to create it.
The Apple Store - Oh, my sweet sweet Apple store. Your white curves, your translucent stairs, your roomy bathroom. Let me fondle your Nanos, rub my hands along your G5 towers for warmth. You're as cozy as a Georgia O'Keeffe flower. How can anyone use a PC when they've been inside your sugar walls?
Athletic Attic, The Foot Locker, Athlete's Foot - I know they're all about sports, but why do they seem so bereft of motion, so funereal of pace? I know some people like to "try their shoes on" and all that, but if you are pretty sure about your size, everything can be had on eBay for a ninth of the price.
God knows I had my share of retail jobs, and bringing out shoes for people with an 8% chance of them actually buying them has to be a big fucking drag, but STOP MAKING ME FEEL BAD FOR ASKING. And would you please have a size 13 or bigger in there? Lindsay and I can't buy your shoes if you don't have them for us manly men.
The Discovery Store, The Sharper Image - I'm fairly sure your massaging chair has been sat in by seven-hundred people today, and it is going to give me the flu. No, I don't need a USB-powered dental flosser. Why are your executive dart magnet sets $379? I'm sure that pillow stops migraines, I'm fucking sure. I have nobody to play backgammon with, thanks. This radio picks up Lisbon? *sigh*
Old Navy - Those who can, do - those you can't, teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym. Those who can't teach gym, purposely walk around America with the name of the store emblazoned on their chest in six-inch letters.
Posted by Ian Williams at December 4, 2005 10:11 PMI never thought I'd enjoy something that long written about malls, but here I am smiling at 2 a.m. The Sam Goody comment is so true. Also, I don't even think those stories can figure out how to separate the categories of music anymore. Should 'alternative' and 'hip hop' be separate from 'pop'?
They'd better go get some Orange Julius and think about that.
Er, I meant "stores" not "stories."
I remember the days before University Mall was built in Chapel Hill. Then when they built it, the big debate was that the mall was now downtown and Franklin Street was uptown. Never really took.
I worked in a record store in high school, outside of Pittsburgh. Rediscovery Records - 3 locations and we mainly had out of print and hard to find records. The store was inside a grocery store in a building that had been a Montgomery Wards and was now the biggest grocery store in a 3 state area. Some of my favorite customers would buy me beer at the ABC store and leave it in my trunk, in exchange for discounts. As a result, I rarely felt compelled to hang out at:
The Monroeville Mall, across the street from the record store - where Return of the Living Dead was filmed.
I'm feeling vaguely insulted after reading the Old Navy entry. It's one of the most dependable places to buy decent looking kids clothes cheaply. So what if the name is emblazoned accross the front, he's gonna grow out of it in 3 weeks anyway. No, I don't live in a trailer park.
BTW, my company now blocks xtcian.com, can you email me, or have Steve email me, an alternate way of viewing the site going through sbw.org?
Greg T - it was all in good fun, I buy stuff for Lucy there too. Besides, Hilfiger is much worse in that self-promoting respect.
Ah, memories! I came of age at the Rockaway Townsquare Mall in lovely Rockaway, NJ. I hate to tell you this, but the trend is moving away from traditional malls. I read somewhere that malls are losing so much business to the Big Box Stores and online shopping, that many malls are closing or being considered for other uses.
Personally, I hate malls. Now that I am older, I hate the mass of mall humanity, the surly teenagers, the aimless wandering around looking for the right gift, etc. I am all about things that save time -- online shopping has improved my mental health and quality of life nearly as much as my daily Lexapro intake! Ha!
Oh, but I admit that I like the new "open air" village type mall that is springing up everywhere. They are quite charming, in a pseudo Old World way.
This is one of the best blog entries ever....BTW, if you want to see a transcendent (sp?) example of a mall I'd recommend the Streets of Southpoint in Durham, NC.
I get a sense of nostalgia as well from malls.
Two more thoughts.
1) I thought Fast Times at Ridgemont High did a great job, among it's many virtues, of capturing the early '80s mall culture.
2) Actually I forget the other thought as I was flashing back to Heather Thomas' poster in a Spencer's Gifts, circa 1984.
Wheaton Plaza (now Westfield Shopping Towne -- don't forget the "e") was our Lindale Mall. Originally anchored by Woodward and Lothrop (aka Woodies, a DC icon) and Montgomery Ward, now anchored by Target and JC Penny and Hechts. In my circus days, a mall was the nirvana of lots, followed closely by Kmart. Bathrooms! Stores! Food! Heaven!
But Greg, wouldn't it be nice if you could buy those same baby clothes and have them not have to stamp Old Navy on every single thing in big letters? You're right about Hilfiger...a few years I was passing a Tommy Hilfiger shop in the mall and I saw a sweatshirt inside that looked kind of cute, so I tried it on. In the back mirror I realized that it said "TOMMYGIRL" across the back.
Needless to say, I decided I was way old to pull that one off, and left. ;) Saved me some dough, anyway.
Being a native Manhattanite, there were no malls for me to run around in in the 1970s. However, since my family's country house is in Warwick, New York, we would frequent the long-ago-demolished-and-rebuilt Orange Plaza in Middletown. A fully-carpeted mall (blue and green) with brown tile walls. Sears at one end, JC Penney at the other, and in between there was Friendly's, Orange Julius, Schraffts, several arts & crafts stores, about four arcade rooms, Radio Shack, Fashion Bug, and all the other needlessly-named stores of the era. There was a fountain at each entrance to the single-level mall, and I can remember being as old as 11 or 12 and asking for a penny to throw into the fountain and wishing I would get a Microvision (handheld). Or Atari. I did get both, thanks to those fountains. The Orange Plaza is still there, but its new body hosts Staples, WalMart, Panera, Kohl's, and the like. There is a Galleria across the road which is home to every mall store we know and love save for two, and they're my favorites: Banana Republic (Ian, I stand with you and your comments about this amazing company) and Starbucks. But then I realize that Middletown is just getting used to wearing clothing from Express Men and is still about 10 years and 13 waist sizes from appreciating what Banana Republic is.
Thanks for stirring up the memories of the Orange Plaza. Especially, unfortunately, the time when my sister explosively vomited her entire Friendly's cheeseburger, fries, and milkshake all over that green and blue matty carpet in front of the toy store (it may have been an early KayBee) in 1978. Still haven't eaten at a Friendly since then.
No, sorry, I don't remember the arcade at Lindale. I don't think they had those games before I left town in '76, and when I came back in '79, I had my own little Pong game hooked up to my TV!
The HO cars and track came from a stationers across the street from the Armstrongs department store. I'm trying to remember its name! The main level of the stationers was what you'd expect, but they had toys downstairs, below street level. The HO stuff was relegated to the end of the basement under the sidewalk.
Even farther back, Kent and I used to rent time on the HO car track at the hobby store in a little strip mall in San Jose. That would have been right around the time Ian was born. I think it was on the north side of Lincoln Ave near Curtner Ave in San Jose, where a strip mall remains but, alas, not the hobby store.
That hobby store also thrilled with a selection of plastic models of horrific scenes of guillotines and bloody wenches tortured by masked brutes.
I don't think you can get those models anymore.
At least the mall doesn't actively suck the life out of you, like WankerMart, but it has its problems. My family had some culture shock last weekend when we had altercations with Pimples the Cashier at three different food court eateries and concluded that food court imposes different standards from those of regular restaurants, where they actually care about the customers. Seriously, they refused to alter an order for my wife, who has food allergies, on the grounds that "it wouldn't taste right."
Chip: I agree (unless you were being sarcastic)--Southpoint Rules--but I can only take it in small doses. And some stores I have to make off limits--just too gentrified, even amidst such gentrification. HOWEVER, they have the world's most beautiful APPLE store. . .sigh. . .caress. . .haven't visited the bathrooms yet, but will put them on my list! :)
Just curious--Where are you on Target, Ian? I am torn. Something tells me evil lurks behind it, but i love that isaac mizrahi designs for them. . .
First Macaroni Grill, and now "guido"? I'll forgive you on the grounds that you've been in L.A. too long. You need to come back home to New York and pick up some gnocchi with gorgonzola cream sauce from La Villa before you even drop off your bags. I fear for your baby's developing palate.
And lest anybody accuse me of being overly pretentious, I love a good mall, too. I even got my ears pierced at Kings Plaza when I was a kid.
We had a Flipper McCoys in Winston as well, out on Robinhood Rd. It was pretty much the center of our 9th - 10th grade social universe. 'Twas freestanding, altough it was next to a strip mall... I didn't realize Flippers was a chain/franchise! We had to make the trip to Hanes Mall for Orange Julius, Spencers, big cookies, etc.
Few things look more sad and useless than an empty old strip mall; a new mall opens a few miles away, and all the businesses jump over to the new hot spot. I've seen alot of these ghost malls dotting the landscape...
My vote for 'coolest mall ever' was Lindale Mall in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
What was so great about it?
1. Not enclosed. It was basically a maze of strip malls with a hobo jungle of loading docks intertwined. You actually had to walk outside to visit stores, and some days it would be -15F, with a steady 30 MPH breeze drifting snow in the doors. The store windows would frost over on the inside.
2. So far downmarket, the Sears store looked like they used it as a meth lab after dark. Back in the day you could still buy a Silvertone Guitar with a practice amp embedded in the case there.
3. A parking lot designed with no place to push back the snow, so all the plows just aimed at a light pole and piled it up 2 stories high. The parking glaciers would still be there in mid-April.
4. Wonder of wonders, a thriving group of local merchants. There was a record store where I remember buying the Turtles "Battle Of the Bands," and "Concert For Bangla Desh." There was a time in Cedar Rapids where the primary record outlets were Woolworth's, Killian's Department Store, and that store at the Mall. I bought the Velvet Underground's Banana Peel album at the Lindale Walgreens for $2.99 with the corner cut off.
5. The Radio Shack that sold TRS-80s and Tandy Color Computers. Color Computers had the distinction of running OS-9, the only computer operating system from Des Moines, Iowa.
6. Bishop's Cafeteria. Fried Chicken, Bleu Cheese Salad (a big wedge of iceberg lettuse topped with mayonnaise and bleu cheese crumbles), and French Silk Pie that was 3/4 butter by weight.
This was a privately owned midwestern chain, that defined fine dining for people who couldn't afford going out to actual restaurants. If you were feeling flush, you could pay an extra dime and get a cloth napkin. Pete Harris, who I roomed with on Orchestra trips, once told me he knew god existed because of his Mom and Bishop's.
I agree that malls seem to be losing business. Ours here seems to cater to the teens with the Abercrombie type stores. I avoid it at all costs. Foolishly I went to Toys-r-us this weekend. I immediately was stuck in shopping cart traffic. Everyone around me couldn't move either so they were all on their cell phones probably talking to others stuck in the next aisle. It was truly crazy! I walked out and ordered online when I got home. As for kids clothes, I have had lots of luck with Children's Place. They have great sales and rarely have logos (which I also try to avoid). Great quality and great prices. I shop for boys stuff but the little girls stuff is adorable too. :)
Mall v. plaza v. strip mall is critical knowledge but in Canada it is hard to resent the mall as much as we have a February that people die from. Still, the death of the plaza is like the death of my childhood, the early 70s sealing in of the air, the people, the goods.
The coolest mall of all was, of course, the mall at Greenwood, Nova Scotia (a sealed plaza itself) because it burned to the ground around when I was ten, fire departments coming from neighbouring counties to fight the blaze.
Steve's comment about the open air mall made me laugh. When my husband and I moved from Charlotte to Evanston, Illinois in 95 for him to attend business school, I was shocked to find that the mall (Old Orchard in Skokie) was a mall without a roof. I was SO shocked that I actually asked someone if they put a roof over it for the winter. They laughed. Stupid question, I realize, but not nearly as stupid as a mall near Chicago with no roof!! So my friend Meg, a Texan, and I went in February when it was -5 degrees and ran from store to store just so we could say we did it. Hmmm... speaking of Meg, she now lives in Cedar Falls, Iowa. Is that near Cedar Rapids? I wonder if her local mall has a roof...
I really loved Orange Julius as a teen...do they still exist somewhere?
orange julius vs jamba juice...
Yes SMS, Orange Julius does still exist, I saw one in the Bay Park Mall (Green Bay, WI) over the weekend during a visit to Green Bay.
I was a Yorktown Mall guy (Lombard, IL) but Stratford Square (Bloomingdale) was a close second.
Rebecca - Inexplicably, Chicago is home to TWO, not just one 'open-air' mall: Old Orchard and Oak Brook. Both are nice despite the open-airness and quite fun to visit in the summer.
I've got to give a shout-out to Athletic Attic. I started working at the one in our city's mall when I turned 15...every Sunday during the school year, summers, and then when home on break from college. I can't believe I ever actually worked for $3 an hr. Anyway, it was known as the place in town to buy running shoes. Most every employee was an accomplished runner, and if you're logging a ton a miles, you have to be very particular about what shoe you buy. We even were next to a service hallway where you could try out your running shoes by, shock, running. So, there is something to be said about expertise and customer service, dying traits in retail these days.
The mall was also near an army base. So every Thurs, you'd see the privates in town for basic training come to the mall in droves. A sea of green. The first place they'd usually stop was our store to buy hats because their hair was all shaved off.
These days, you don't go to that mall unless you want to dodge bullets. Seems like a lot of towns/cities have 2 malls...the nice one and the one people used to go to. (ex: White Plains)The trend around here and also back when we lived in Charlotte are "Live/Work/Play" complexes. Little isolated mini-cities.
Oh, LFMD...dinner last Thurs was good, but uneventful, I'm afraid. That was the only night we could make it in to The City, but Scott had another event to attend so we didn't get a chance to catch up. Also, The Color Purple broadway premiere was that night, and from what I understand, many celebs were at some premiere parties. Butter was ultra trendy, little portions (glad we had snacks beforehand at Swift down off Bowery & 4th), but tasty. They give you 3 different pats of butter with your bread basket, but our table voted 4-0 that it all tasted the same to us. Huge place but way booked up reservations wise, so I was glad Scott took care of it. He said that I should pick up some People with Brittany on it because he is launching denim line (what?) and there were pictures in it from a party he had in LA. I can't bring myself to buy a People. The most interesting part that night was, afterwards, we were talking outside with our friends and "Simone the transvestite palm reader from Chelsea" walked by and read our palms. Very insightful.
I love this part:
Today, Lindale Mall continues to provide it’s community with great shopping and exceptional service.
I know, I caught that too. And Iowa is supposed to have the country's best public schools.
Just Andrew's reminiscences of record stores gone by reminds me of Schoolkids Records on Franklin Street, complete with cashiers swilling Budweiser straight from the can as they punched up transactions on the register. I miss that place.
Is there any better combination than Beer and Record Stores? I was in Chicago a couple weeks ago, and stopped in at Gramaphone to see Andreas Tillander perform an in-store. I know some of the clerks there a bit, and they handed me a bottle of Guinness out of the back room.
I guess Beer, Record Stores, and good Techno beats just beer and record stores.
Delias is great. Wish there was one in L.A. I love Urban Outfitters and Banana Republic as well, but one of my all time favorites that has emerged in the last two years has to be J.crew. I don't think you can find them in any malls though. The one I went to on Prince Street when I was in NYC last winter was just dripping of class. Ofcourse, like BR, everything is super expensive, but what you get lasts for a long time, so I'm not complaining. Ok, I will stop talking now.
I was dumbfounded at the serendipitous nature of this post. First of all, at the age of 10 I played Ahmal in the Christmas opera "Ahmal and the Night Visitors" from which this post derives its name.
Second, when the show was wrapped my voice teacher, the lovely June Snow, said she would get me whatever I wanted as a reward for a great run of the show. We drove from Mt. Airy to Winston-Salem's Hanes mall and I got a KISS belt buckle (with the cover of "Destroyer" on it) and black leather belt at the Record Bar. God, that place smelled great. Like plastic and sandalwood and pot. In fact, I bet if the three wisemen were traveling this holiday season, that's what they'd bring to the baby Jesus (the pot would be for his parents of course).
This entry has the very best title ever. I like the entry itself, too. I spent some time as a teenager pretending to hate the mall, but I've gotten over that. It's interesting to think of it in cultural context, and it's so much fun to read someone else do it so pointedly.
I love your blog, Ian, but rarely comment because I am always a day or two behind in my blog reading...but I just had to say that this title is excellent.
Military Circle was a crappy mall?? I haven't been there in many years, but when I was in high school we shopping-deprived folks on the Outer Banks thought malls in Tidewater were retail nirvana. Elizabeth City would do in a pinch, but Norfolk was definitely the best place to go.
I believe the shop you refer to in Cedar Rapids--the one where you could get globes of the moon and model railroad supplies--was called Sanford's.
I spend many happy hours there as a kid, downstairs where the toys and hobby stuff was kept. Upstairs was where all sorts of office supplies could be found. My dad bought his slide rules there.
http://www.kcrg.com/cancellations
Shoplifing Class cancelled for Thursday at Lindale
As Whoopi would say, What the hell???
Our mall has everything now!!
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