4/9/06
You know who Americans hate? I'll tell you.
1. Gays who talk about it all the time. Seriously, Americans think, why do the gays have to go around talking about being gay all the damn time? I mean, heterosexuals don't talk about liking girls all day! All those bumper stickers, "pride flags," people on floats dressed up as bondage firemen... why can't they just SHUT UP ABOUT IT?!?
2. Welfare moms. Especially the ones who are really black and really portly. And the ones that keep on having kids, kids after kids - geez, can't they stick a cork in it already? Why do my tax dollars go to raising these thugs?
Wait, you're saying that the majority of welfare moms are white and have less than two kids? Um, well, I don't care. I still hate the whole lot of them. Seriously, can't they get a goddam JOB?
3. Spoiled teenagers. These fucking kids with their iPods and laptops and Playstation 7's... When I was a kid, we got one present at Christmas and one on our birthdays. These little spoiled brats get everything they want, instantly, it's like they don't even appreciate it.
Who lets a seventh grader have a cell phone? And the way they talk back to their parents? If I talked that way to my mother, my father would take out his BELT. These kids need a trip behind the SHED with a SWITCH. Let's see them "I.M." their pals after THAT one.
3. Manhattanites with money. Those New York City lefties think they're better than everyone else. They have NO IDEA how the rest of us live, with their lattés and Broadway Shows and GAYS TALKING ABOUT BEING GAY. All those books about those Manhattan girls who get depressed and do a bunch of drugs? CRY ME A RIVER. They should just go ahead and kill themselves if they're that unhappy, and then that'd be one less book to read.
4. The French. Froggy turn-n-run bastards. If it weren't for us, they'd be speaking German.
Oh, they saved our ass in the Revolutionary War? What's "The Revolutionary War"?
5. Fat people. Have you seen how fat people have gotten? They're just so goddamn FAT. I hate them, with their big necks and parachute pants. Why can't they show some self-control?
6. People who are getting away with it. I can't believe what everyone else is doing, and nobody's stopping them. I pay my taxes, I go to work - FUCK. That guy doesn't get up until 11am in the morning, I bet. That woman hasn't done an honest day's work in her life. Of course they're "happy," because the rest of us are doing all the work.
He got paid a million dollars for THAT? I could have done that IN MY SLEEP. She does THAT for a living? Must be nice, you bitch. I hate them all. I HATE THEM ALL.
7. Non-famous people. Oh, that French gay fat guy in New York is in a movie with Paris Hilton? Man, that's awesome!
Don't forget those goddamn uppity women who took all the good jobs men used to have to themselves and ruined the American family along the way. Castrating snotty bitches!
(LMAO)
The "fat" thing is an essay in itself. It's almost the one thing you're allowed to critique in the world regarding looks. It's especially true in the dating world - a guy wouldn't say in public that he dumped a girl because her nose was too big or she was ugly in general, but it's okay to say she was fat...theoretically because it's something people can control. I hear it all the time. "She was fat. I don't like people who don't take care of themselves." "She was fat. That's her fault, so I don't feel bad about it." Those same guys complain about girls being anorexic or not eating dessert or not drinking (which slows metabolism) and they don't get that there's a correlation...
And no, I'm not fat; it's just something I hear a lot. ;)
And I am NOT saying they have to be attracted to fat people, because people can't help who they're attracted to or not attracted to. If fat turns 'em off, that's totally fine -- but it's not about some intellectual reason, and it's not always something the person can control. If you're not attracted to someone who's fat, it's not because you computed in your head that they do not lead a healthy lifestyle. It's that you're not attracted to fat!
I recently taught a writing class and one of the teenagers wrote an essay on fat people. He said it's okay to criticize them because they can control it. I said, "Not always." He said, "but usually." I said, "Not always." He said, "but usually." Anyway, I think I made inroads, ha ha.
That said...thre are parts of the country where if you pick up a menu at, say, Denny's, every breakfast comes with bacon AND sausage. Yech. They eat a little different out there than we do in New Yuck.
8. Those rubes in fly-over country who are too stupid to know the right persons for whom to vote during elections. Man, what's up with them? We should let UNC professors appoint our judges and politicians.
9. People who don't know what Gotterdammerung means. I mean, what's the point in even living if you can't use that in a sentence? The least they could do is shut the hell up when the smart people are talking.
10. Illegal immigrants who do all of the work that we don't want to pay minimum wage for but take all of the best jobs that the welfare moms could be taking.
p.s. ian, what prompted this today?
11. Don't forget: Cynical Elitist Americans- you know, the ones who complain about all the other Americans so much you wonder why they bother to live here if we are all fat, stupid, racist, sexist, illiterate, homophobic, war-mongering, apathetic jerks.
Me, I don't hate any of them. Well, except for obnoxious Yankees (not including the one I married). Oh yea, and anyone who went to Dook (but mostly just their basketball players).
Don't forget, people hate those who stick their head above the rest, positing ideas, speaking loudly and daring to try to fulfill their dreams by writing that novel or creating that TV show or shouting their ideas to the rafters, like keeping a blog. Most people would rather sit around, let you keep the blog, and then snipe at it because it's so much easier to post comments than it is to write something new every day.
You got that right!
Can we all agree to hate people who talk too loudly and for too long on their cellphones on the Long Island Railroad?
12. Duke Lacrosse Team
13. George Bush
14. Hillary Clinton
6. People who are getting away with it.
I don't know about that one. Most people love the ones getting away with it, right up until the time they get caught. Then they turn on them.
People hate celebrities who are happily married. We'd much rather read about people breaking up, cheating on each other, etc... How else could the National Enquirer, Star, US or People survive?
The only one on your list that I actually hate are the spoiled teenagers. Remember I live in O.C. and I could tell you some stories! Oh, and my first grade son has friends with cell phones. And I know third graders with i-pods.
The only people I hate are stay-at-home Moms who look perfectly coiffed and made-up at 8:15 in the morning. Why do I hate them? Because they make me feel bad about myself!
"Can we all agree to hate people who talk too loudly and for too long on their cellphones on the Long Island Railroad?"
Yes- especially the ones with those Bluetooth headset / earpieces.
Yikes! way too much hatred for any day, but especially for this beautiful springtime Monday in old "broken-down" New Orleans. That much anger is kinda scary.
What ever happened to "live and let live?" I miss those days.
Yall are freaking me out b/c I think Ian was being sarcastic.
I hate them Sarcastic people. Always being so...sarcastic.
He was being partly snide and partly sarcastic.
Hmmmm.... I'm rethinking my comments. I don't hate the spoiled teens/children. It's the parents that I have issues with!
And the beautiful Moms? I'm just jealous.
I LOVE the French. Viva la France!
I LOVE Manhattanites with money! Especially when they invite me to their houses in the Hamptons. Or their farms in upstate NY.
HA!
great post! right up my alley.
Okay, it's naptime at my house, so I'm still reading stuff on the internet and I went to the DTH website to find out what's happening in Chapel Hill. And I was shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, to read that UNC is ending the swim test requirement for graduation.
Did you actually take the swim test?
I never did- I think it is a myth.
i took the swim test. it's not a myth.
Here comes the sun (Du du du du)
Here comes the sun
And I say
It's alrightLittle darling
It's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling
It feels like years since it's been hereHere comes the sun (Du du du du)
Here comes the sun
And I say
It's alrightLittle darling
The smiles returning to the faces
Little darling
It seems like years since it's been hereHere comes the sun
Here comes the sun
And I say
It's alrightSun, sun, sun, here it comes (five times)
Little darling
I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling
It seems like years since it's been clearHere comes the sun
Here comes the sun
And I say
It's alrightHere comes the sun (Du du du du)
Here comes the sun
It's alright
It's alright
I hated the swim test, but yes, I did take it. Anyone else not have to take it and still graduated from UNC-CH?
Everyone had to take the swim test - unless they were like me and Emma and were in a life guard training class or swim class for PE. The story I always heard was that a very wealthy alumni had a kid who drowned and thus the swim test came to be. I think it's a good idea really. Shame it's ending..\
I heard Let it Be on the radio today and thought Caveman picked the wrong song lyrics for today..
Swim test? Is this UNC or USNA? Actually, I'm surprised that nobody created a fuss about the requirement being discriminatory. You know what I mean.
Swim test was a joke, but some people did in some cases unfairly hate people who they thought unnecessarily complained about the swim test being unfair, unnecessarily.? Ah, but those were in the former disKwimination years on the blueberry thrill. From now on, no non-amphibious student profiling.
And uh, I tend to hate folks who don't know they stank, the French included and some kids who should know better both in and out of diapers. Me personally, I can stank with my boys or in my box/car alone, but other people deserve a little fresher, user-friendly version of me.
People hate people who are on vacation all in their face.
People hate bad drivers.
Ian likes to play, not hate, ..oh yeah and people also hates hatas.
Yes, bad drivers do suck, WoollenGym. Old people get a pass from me. One day I'll be that age (hopefully) and will know then what's like. But anyone who's not yet collecting a social security check needs to pay attention and get their act together behind the wheel.
wasps who talk with lock jaw and wear sweaters tied around their shoulders.
So, what's yer point, Ian?
Like Neva said, I took lifeguard training (and had to save Randy Weill from the Woolen gym pool -he's a big guy), but nobody told me until it was too late that that exempted me from the swim test, so I took the swim test even though I didn't have to.
Swim test was very real. But it also was very easy, so I never thought it was a big deal.
I had always heard that the swim test had something to do with a rich benefactor whose child drowned. That, alas, is a myth that apparently springs up at every school with a swim test.