7/5/06
Dear Cell Phones,
You all suck. Seriously.
My mom and I were walking from the Rose Café to our little bungalow in Venice. We turned north on Pacific Street, and after ten seconds heard a crash. A white truck had tried to speed through a red light, hitting two cars in the process, and then came barreling toward us at about 40 mph sideways. It went airborne for the last few feet, smashing into the sidewalk where we had been only seconds before.
If I had ordered another muffin, or if Mom had tied her shoes after getting her food rather than at the counter, both she and I might not have seen this evening. This blog would stop, and my last entry would have been a nice picture of my daughter and my sister.
Or perhaps I would have been seriously injured, and though I survived, maybe the trauma would have rendered me utterly pedestrian. Anything could have happened. We dodged an unbelievably huge bullet, and would not like to get that close again for a long, long time.
But Cell Phones, may I say it again? You suck. When I tried to dial 911 from my Sprint phone, I got a recording that circuits were busy, and then it hung up. When I tried again, it wouldn't even connect. My mom tried on her Verizon phone, and got static. She tried again, got someone, and they cut her off before she could tell them anything.
Cell Phones, I included a question at the Quiz Show for this year's Jartacular: Which cell phone company is the worst? Christopher "Chip" Chapman got it right: ALL OF THEM. Everyone's talking about ring tones and games and "mobile apps" and "movie content" and all that shit, but why don't you start small and do something simple... I don't know, like "letting someone actually complete a conversation while driving in Los Angeles."
On the day your country needed you most - September 11, 2001 - you conked out in the most pathetic, useless way possible. There were about four working cell phones in Manhattan that morning, and that's reprehensible. You can't be counted on for national emergencies, nor a three-car pile-up on a random street corner.
I guess you would have been useful in 1987 when I was trying to track down Jon, Chip and Bud at some girl's room in Cobb Dorm. And I guess I might not have frozen my ear off at the pay phone in December 1985 when my parents broke the news they were getting divorced. Also, I like playing Scrabble on my Treo.
But you are the weakest when we most need you. You can ringtone fuckin' Rascal Flatts and Rihanna songs and help 10th graders gossip about boys in biology class, but you couldn't help me and my momma. Maybe we're asking too much of you. Maybe you're just little square pieces of plastic that can't bear the weight of our reliance. If so, just tell me, and I'll stop giving you all those hundreds of dollars each year.
I'll go back to the land line, and maybe even get rid of the answering machine, the microwave and my ATM card as well. I recall 1975 being a fun time on my little red Huffy, digging tunnels in the dirt behind my garage, and slurping orange Push-Ups at Tot Lot. Just say the word if the future is coming on too fast.
Yes, cell phones do suck. Especially out here in SoCal. I don't understand how, with so many people out here, the coverage is SO bad. I was talking to my mom while driving from O.C. down to San Diego to catch a flight, and lost my call 7!! times. On the 5. I don't get it. But, while in Chapel Hill last weekend (in order to con them into letting me keep my 919 number) I switched to Cingular, and got a new phone. I didn't want anything with bells and whistles (no camera, no iTunes, NOTHING!), just a cheap phone that had great signal and battery life. And tonight, I held a call all through the UCI campus, over to Target and back home. Normally I would've lost the call, or at least been garbled for half of it. I think I'm in love with my new service.
And I'm glad you're okay!
What's worse is the driver of the white truck who ran the light was probably talking on HIS cell phone just fine when he crashed.
This entry sent chills up my spine. How awful for you and your mom. Another reminder of exactly how fragile our little lives are. . .
Glad to hear you are okay, too.
It's a good thing Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Which and Mrs. Who were there to whisk you & your mother to safety by way of the tesseract as the truck came barreling your way. And, though this may not be the proper forum, it's okay to admit that you left a little Hershey squirt in your $25 under-britches as you heard the squealing tires in literal surround sound. No one here would fault you for such an honest admission.
Scruggs, I bet the truck driver was a dook fan, too, and was talking on HIS cell phone to one of his cronies about how much better redick is going to be as a pro than Steve Kerr ever was.
Is Cingular the way to go for cell phone service and coverage? I'm in the market for a new provider and phone and I've been less than thrilled with T-Mobile's strength of signal, even though they have the hottest spokesperson of the lot.
SO. THOROUGHLY. AGREE.
Not to get all religious or anything, but annoying ringtones, to me, are sufficient proof of the existence of Satan.
I must be the luckiest man in the world. I have never had a problem with my cell in the 9 years that I have had one. Yeah Sprint!!
Glad ur okay. Not sure that's a good hustle/step-lively story, more a very near miss as you described. Sorry. We had a similar situation in San Fran one summer when a car rolled down a hill. Stick it to the streets and kick to the waves in summer. Happy travels!
Lost my cellphone recently. B-FDeal!
While reading, I thought the same thing Scruggs did and thought we were going to hear that the driver causing the accident was using a cell.
I despise the telephone in general, but have to admit I like the convenience of a cell phone and would be hard pressed to give it up. But I don't carry it around with me all day. It stays in my car for use in emergencies and as a way to pass the time on my commute.
People are always harassing me to get one. So I tell them that I'm usually reachable at home or work, and I don't want to be bothered by people calling me while I'm in the movies, at dinner, on the bus, etc. And they say, "Well, you can leave it turned off, you know." Good, then why have one?!
(Yeah, I know, for emergencies. Well, I'll get one someday, when I'm more successful or something.)
Ironically, Ian, I added your cell phone number to my cell phone's address book about 20 minutes before I read this.
I'm glad that if I ever do get around to calling you, that someone could still be there to answer...
I both love and loathe cell phones. They bring us together more easily, but they annoy the hell out of everyone both by *not* working when we want them to -- and by working when they shouldn't.
Most recent cellphone peeve: incessant texting significantly reduced my enjoyment of a recent concert at Carnegie Hall. Carnegie friggin' Hall!
Hell is other people's cell phones?
My cell is so bad that EVERY time I call my parents at home, it rings once and then cuts out before they get the Caller ID data. But because it happens EVERY time they know it's me and call me back. I called the cell phone company and they tried to fix but of course, it still happens every time. It's kind of my trademark now.
I wholeheartedly agree with hating cells - and the blue tooth whatsits are even worse! They make people look like they have some sort of metallic growth coming out of their ear. It's also quite rude because you never know if someone is listening to you or their phone when they have this strange appliance attached.
Chapel Hill is also quite bad with cell phone reception. There are many "holes" in coverage all around campus because of all the hills and valley, and it is impossible to call anyone from within the hospital buildings. We toyed with having no land line when we moved to our current house but realized that we would be stuck with no reliable phone service much of the time with these stupid cell phones!
By the way, also, glad you're okay. Sounds very scary!
VERY glad you and yours are OK.
My 2-year prison term with my current cell ends in August and I have been desperately shopping around for something "better;" this blog pretty much confirms my worst fear--there IS nothing better [although Theo's enthusiasm for Sprint has piqued my curiosity.]
yikes.
First off, I'm so glad you and your mom are okay. That was really a close call.
Second, I can't for the life of me figure out why people need to be able to see music videos on their cell phones. No one will ever be able to explain this to me.
Third, I'm with Scruggs; I thought the reason you were saying cell phones suck is because the driver of the white truck was on his cell.
Finally, nice shout-out to Jamie Block in the last line of today's entry. Sometimes I believe that the future is indeed comin' on too fast.