10/9/06
Someone has to figure out a new paradigm for air travel and make it better. The current system is not functionally different from the very first passenger flights in the 1920s, and like dentistry, it has got to start behaving like it belongs in the 21st century.
First off, Americans are too fat to sit in coach. These planes were designed for a nation of people 5'8" and 175 lbs tops, and the reality is much more grim. The airline placed Lucy, Tessa and me in separate rows each in the middle seat, and we were surrounded on all sides by love handles, thighs, hips, and fatty upper arms spilling into our personal spheres. The dude next to me slept with my leg supporting him from California to New Mexico, and the guy on the other side had serious Parkinson's Disease. I felt really, really sorry for him, but the experience was not unlike being inside the paint shaker at Home Depot.
Thank god one of them took pity on us and let Tessa sit next to her 17-month-old daughter. Even so, we were so cramped we couldn't look at each other. My butt fell asleep, and not - as Ice Cube said - because anyone's jimmy was so deep. It was because I had about seventeen inches to call home.
Please, can someone think about the interior of planes a different way? Put the same number of humans on board so you can make your fucking money, but can you put us in a circle, or a rhombus or something? Can you do two-layer pods, like the sleeping trains of Japan? Serve drinks through pneumatic tunnels, allow us to rise to the ceiling when we want to recline 180 degrees, and allow passengers to use Wifi and their cell phones, for chrissake?
I'm over turbulence, which was once my bête noire; today's flight was about as bumpy as they come, and I didn't care. I just want my 4-11 hours in the air to feel less like a yoga move I cannot possibly hold.
When are you-all back in London? Can't make it over today, alas, but might be able to time something later in the month ... how long are you there for, anyway?
Singapore Airlines and Virgin are the only ways to take long-haul flights in economy and leave the plane smiling afterwards. US carriers in particular just don't get it.
Kinda like someone pointed out to Bush the First, lo those many years ago: "It's the economy, stupid." All they seem to care about is giving BSDs in business class every amenity conceivable, right down to make-yer-own-sundaes and refreshing gel masks, but the plebs back in economy -- i.e. the majority of the passengers -- endure a living hell. Why can't they design and use airplanes that treat economy passengers with even a shred of respect for their personal space and ergonomic well-being?!
Oh well, what can we do. C'est la vie. The most important thing is arriving alive. Feeling like a bag of used-up rags, maybe, but alive and in one piece. May La Luz sleep as much as possible on the rest of your journey to Blighty, and may the in-flight entertainment provide pleasant distraction from your bum going numb!
You're right, the airlines just don't get it. They continually screw their biggest customers (those who sit in coach, and the last second business traveller). Personally I am fairly tall, and I HATE riding on airlines, my only hope is that I can get an Exit Row Seat so I don't have my knees around my ears for the flight.
Ian, this is a sign of progress! You've moved from nervous traveler to bitchy traveler like the rest of us. Congratulations! I agree, if you need the seat belt extension, you need to pay for two seats! But even the folks who can make it stretch still take up more than their fair share of "personal" space. I wish you safe, spacious travel back.
I have to say that at 6'5", 220 lbs, coach has not been an option for me since I was about 10 years old. I grudgingly shell out the extra cash for a bit of comfort if it is a long flight (more than 2 hours is what I consider long), but usually I try to be the last pewrson to board and ask the lovely desk attendants if perhaps, the flight has been overbooked. I tell them I am happy to take a bump up to business or first class if neccessary . . . .works most of the time.
Oh, and on the "Fat America" tip, I have a friend that teaches in a suburban Philadlphia public school (a good district as well), and she tells me that the cafeteria is now serving funnel cake every day. Yes, deep fried dough with powdered sugar for lunch . . . every.damn.day. Kids are apparently skipping class to get their fix 2 or 3 times a day. Now, you can call me a conspiracy theorist if you like, but someone somewhere seems to be actively trying to make this country fat and stupid. I weep for the future, and I am only 26!
The epitome of crass capitalism is on United: they have taken Coach (the same number of seats), and smooshed back the rear 2/3, to make the first 1/3 basically normal, and have the audacity to charge you $60 more per seat for the "luxury" of perhaps an inch more space. They dub that section of seats Economy Plus or Super-Dooper Happy Delight Economy or something as inane, and make you think you are "upgrading". Meanwhile, the suckers in Plain Old Joe Schmo Coach are stuffed together like cigarettes in a softpack. At least when American said they were making more room in Coach, they actually took seats out. I won't fly United again if I can possibly help it.
[In the lot the boy thats idling by doesnt rev your heart.
Cause its only lonely spots he shares with you.
And the long halls and the gray walls are gonna split apart.
Believe it or not theres life after high school.](comment edited by mod.)
I wish I had all day to haunt folks' blogs and meanderingly insult the authors and their families. Let's have a cyber-reunion and see on which side of the full-contact Red Rover game the boogerman ends up.
Travel safe abroad and drink you some full-bodied British Isles brews, beers with real good heads on their shoulders. Later.
"a yoga move I cannot possibly hold." I do like your writing, Mr. Williams.
Wait, a 17-month-old baby in a diff row than her parents? Surely there's gotta be a better way.
who invited jbogie to the party???
jbogie, since we're down to 2nd grade insults, i'm guessing that you could stand to lose 20 pounds of ugly fat yourself. go home and chop off your head, m'kay? you bring out the worst in all of us. thanks for playing!
anyhow, obesity has obviously risen as a concern in this country over the past 10 years. and i find the airplane industry fascinating as it intersects with this rise in a way that almost nothing else does. like, no one REALLY cares about obesity as a byproduct of crappy food stuffs and longer hours sitting in front of the computer (and on and on) if it doesn't impact them. BUT, when you get stuck sitting in the middle of two textbook cases, it's suddenly a crisis.
i wish our health department officials would travel coach, so we'd make some actual progress. same goes for all of the CEOs of the airlines...
until that happens, i have to echo the exit row accolades. i'm a diehard exit row gal. grew up traveling a lot internationally with a dad who is close to 6'3" with stiff knees. exit rows were a must. so, get to the airport early. check in at exactly 24 hours before the flight online, since now they're opening up exit rows for online check-in, or beg when you get to the gate.
good luck, ian!!
It's been invented already. One word: Cyrogenics. It'll reduce emissions too. Who is going to pay for the Concorde when a slow boat ride to China is over in what feels like a moment's doze? No peanuts, but you bring along your favorite American produce and enjoy it fresh in Tai Pei.
i cannot believe the airline put lucy in a middle seat sans either of her parents. before you leave for home i would call the customer service line for your airline and explain your situation (not the reservation line - the dedicated customer service line). they have seats that they block until the date of the flight but they can override them for special circumstances or they can put a note on the record that there is a family with a small child and when things open up they will slot you in the seats. good luck.
and as for american carriers - i just flew southwest airlines where you dont get an assigned seat and the passengers are like animals. they line up hours before the flight with their boarding passes - even the people who are in the first group - and they push and shove to get into the seat they want. and the flight attendants tell jokes (bad ones to boot) and wink at passengers and play games. bizarro world.
The entire system is a bust and will continue to be so until the public refuses to fly. The airlines are simply putting the screws to their customers because there is no alternative and we continue to pile on the plane. Trains are the way to go but until we decide as a country to invest again in our infrastructure, the planes will pack in more people, will get older, and will offer less services. In a flight that is less than 1.5 hours (LA to SF for instance) it is just barely faster to fly than drive, if you check bags... think about it.
JBgie, seriously, your self loathing is so obvious and painful to read, please get some help.
I count myself lucky that as Catherine and I have flung Oliver (now 6 years old) around the world with us, he's always been able to sit in the same row with us. Well, there was that time in Thailand where some sort of "women can't sit beside monks" rule kept us apart, but even then Catherine and Oliver got to sit together.
I think hostility towards families and children (or at least neglect of their needs) is something specific to North American airlines -- when traveling on everything from Japan Airlines and Thai Airways to Ryanair and Easyjet *outside* of North America with a child we've always felt extremely well catered too. Indeed on a JAL flight from Tokyo to Bangkok one of the flight attendants carried Oliver off for a while so we could have a break.
The only extra-North American weirdness we've encountered is Ryanair's policy of not allowing child car-seats on board; they're the only airline we've ever encountered with this policy.
Did you know, by the way, that one-way passage on the Queen Mary 2 from New York to Southampton starts at only $999? Yes, it takes 6 days, but I can only assume it's a much more civilized way to get across the ocean.
Pravda: Passenger jetliner of the future: the dream comfort
http://english.pravda.ru/photo/report/samolet-970/2/
That does look pretty comfy.
lemme tellya, if i could fly virgin "upper class" i would even fly to places like the ukraine or somewhere super far even if i have no particular interest in going there.
there is like, a slick bar, aromatherapy spa treatments, manicures, etc., and excellent goodie bags. not to mention the little cubby thing which is like your private bed/seat/table. i remember the first time i went climbing up a spiral staircase past the bar to get to my seat and i was like, ok, damn! i also remember their lounge/bar/shower place at heathrow was hella posh and decadent too, better than british airways (i thought).
but even on a heavenly virgin ultra froufrou plane i remember once i had this one mama-dissing experience.
it was my first time away from my oldest son and i was nursing at the time and had to pump in the bathroom. this boorish drunk jerk gave me attitude for being in there so long (the flight attendant said he could have just walked over to the other side of the plane to use the other lav).
so as i was passing him coming out he spouted really loudly "inconSIDerate!" at me in this haughty snobby way. and so i held up the pump apparatus with the milk up in his face and i was like "well if i don't PUMP my BREASTS i'll get MASTITIS!!" then i went over and cried in my little cubby bed thing. but the flight attendant came over all comforting and said he was an ass, and then after a few drinks and aromatherapy it was all good.
The solution to your paradigm problem is dead easy.
Just fly first class.
Flying has become so cheap that pretty much everybody flies all the time. Including you. You're not the solution. You're the problem.
You may not like the body mass of your neighbours; they may not have particularly enjoyed the bad vibes you have been sending them.
Herman