11/13/06
That had to be one of the most miserable days of travel we've had in a long, long time, and god knows we've traveled a lot. The LA-NYC jaunt is always a drag, but there's something so constantly dehumanizing about the entire flying process: pretty much everyone is an asshole who thinks they're doing you a favor by letting you fly at all.
Security is a nightmare, a two-hour kabuki dumbshow that only serves to inspire ideas about how easy it would be to outwit them. The gate agents are so surly that you feel ashamed to ask them anything; they are so practiced at deflecting requests and dispensing quick, useless information that you don't even realize you've been had until you're already walking away.
They overbook every flight by 20%, and in this country, they could care less if you have a baby - in fact, this only makes you more annoying. The actual flight attendants remain chipper and therapeutic, but even they know they're serving a fickle master.
And the seats - O! The seats! So fucking uncomfortable and contorted, they spawn hemorrhoids by the basketful, allowing only a fitful, migraine-inducing "half sleep," leaving you less capable of your duties - which, as parents of toddlers can tell you, are many and legion.
The cab ride home... another cramped, hot hour of expensive misery. Tessa and I had a fight just because it felt like the right thing to do. And now we lie flat on our beds, back in Brooklyn, our day having started two days ago, wondering if it's all worth it.
And of course it is. The one day of abject wretchedness fades from view as soon as we see our family, it melts in the warm familiarity of our old haunts. But the airlines have us captive. Technology will cure paralysis, Alzheimer and baldness, and we may soon magnetically levitate to the moon, but flying will always be mired in horseshit. Does it always have to be this way?
It doesn't, because ten years ago, it was pleasurable to fly. You could get a hot meal, planes took off on time, there was usually an empty seat or two. The stewardess would give you a deck of cards.
IMO, flying has only become a hassle in recent memory. I can remember that my Mom used to make me dress up to go on a plane, because . . . well I don't know exactly. But years ago, there was a whole different sense. You didn't feel like cattle being loaded and unloaded into too small of a space.
How air travel is likely to change:
Your home town airport:
Try being 6'4" tall and folding into those seats, it is even more miserable when you have long legs. When American Airlines took out a couple of rows of seats a few years back I used to exclusively use them just because they had extra room. After 1 year they quietly put those rows back in and it became cramped. I usually get Exit Row or Bulkhead seating because I diligently log on and check in 24 hours in advance and resever the extra room. Only 1 of the major carriers doesn't allow you to do this... American. So now even though they are hubbed here in Dallas I won't use them. I will take a 1 stop flight with Continental or NWA or anyone that allows you reserve exit row online rather than save 1 hour of time but be extremely uncomfortable. Heaven help you if you call and tell anyone from AA that they are the only ones that won't allow you to reserve exit row online. Their customer service blatantly lies to you that the other carriers don't allow this. Anyway yes Airline travel sucks, their customer service is atrocious and as soon as someone comes up with a better model or more legroom I will stop using the traditional airlines.
I'm terrified of flying. (acrophobic to the max) Hearing this crap about the hassle and discomfort of air travel certainly doesn't tempt me to overcome my phobia!
Took the commuter train (MBTA) from Providence to Boston and back last night. Ahhhhh. Even in the less-than-spacious seating of a commuter train, I (heart) train travel. The sounds, the whooshing through countryside, the mostly nice conductors with their caps, the incoherent crackle of station announcements on the intercom.
P.S. to Steve Williams --
Re: those teeny jets: EEEEEEEEK! 8-O
If I have to fly, give me a big ol' jumbo widebody jet any time. I can pretend I'm in a theater and not 40,000 away from terra firma. ;-)
I'm under 5 1/2 feet tall and still uncomfortable in those seats; I can only imagine what larger people go through.
What bothers me the most, though, is when I get on the plane and see the cockpit door flapping open in the breeze. What is the point of my carefully, and at great inconvenience, sorting and packing my tweezers and nail clippers and bobby pins and all potentially dangerous objects in my checked luggage when the basic safety precaution of securing the frickin' cockpit door isn't followed?
Yes, air travel sucks and everytime i go through security in socks, stripped of my belongings and pride I get angrier and angrier.
Are we safer as a result? I am not sure. Watching people argue over the amount and size of toilet items in their bag is a perfect picture of the problem. It has to be especially tough on people travelling with children.I did a private flight to Wilmington not too long ago.. no security checks were involved and the warm smile of the person at the counter wishing us a safe trip made it feel so special. That is the way flying used to be.
Next time you're going from LA to NYC, check into Midwest Airlines. They've made a name for themselves in the industry by trying to provide first class seating for all of the seats on their flights. Granted, you'll have to lay over in either Kansas City or Milwaukee for your particular flight, but the trade off is you get wider, leather seats in a two by two configuration. It definitely makes those long flights that much more bearable.
oh you are making me dread my next flight.
have you tried the Knee Defender. it prevents the person in front of you from reclining. http://kneedefender.com .
The Other Lee - please tell me how to get an exit seat on United? i have tried and tried and can't crack that nut. american lets you book exit seats if you are a gold level flier or higher. and i think united only lets their super premier members do so.
We just completed a long weekend trip from SC to Fairbanks with the kids, three and five, with no airline-associated casualties to report. Actually that's not true; the TSA guy politely confiscated my wife's one-ounce of Lubriderm lotion in a 4-ounce tube, as it exceeded their 3-oz. container limit. My daughter's skin was way dry from a few days in the subarctic desert, so we bought some cheap lotion from the gift shop, and that demon-lotion caused second degree burns on her hands. The flight attendants were great, producing warm washcloths and actual non-burning skin moisturizer to ease her pain and tears.
The invitation to board early is now limited to "those traveling with children under 2", rather than "those traveling with small children", so we waited with the herd. It was easy to read the minds of our fellow passengers, already seated, as we made our way to our seats; they're thinking, "Oh God not near me not me not me... WHEW!" But our kids impressed delightfully, and I didn't have to resort to the nuclear options of Benadryl or the DVD player. We even received compliments from strangers. Though having a world-class marathon screamer baby a few rows behind us, between Anchorage and Chicago, lowered the bar a couple of pegs. I've been the parent of that baby on flights past, and can now stuff my ears with napkin wads, and sympathize.
The seats and rows on Alaska Airlines seemed generous to me, compared to recent experience on Delta. And they serve Alaskan Amber beer, which I recommend whether or not you're traveling with children.
Anyone else going to see the 'Heels play in Charlotte tonight? See you there!
appropos of a few days' ago
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2006/11/14/africa/AF_GEN_South_Africa_Gay_Marriage.php
that explains my 'roids problem.
they should change the name of the "knee defender" to the "please kick my ass" gadget. please tell me that's a joke.
Seriously, if anyone behind me tried to use the Knee Defender, I would stab them with a plastic spork first and ask questions later.
Wyatt, I see the same thing when we get on the plane with Lucy. Fortunately, she has been a dream so far - yesterday we got compliments from about seven different fliers about how good she was. It doesn't hurt that she greets (and flirts with) every passenger within three rows of us.
Three things:
1) the kabuki dumbshow line is hilarious and sums up my feelings exactly. Holding my hand as a I went from the ticket counter to the gate would make me feel safer.
2) for those who talk about how great it was to fly in the good ol' days, that's because it was expensive and fewer people could do it. The more the teeming masses get to do it the more it's going to resemble the DMV. I prefer it this way, considering I'd be on the greyhound bus if this were 1969.
3) I generally believe it's extraordinarily impolite to recline in airplane seats, except when the person behind you is using a "knee defender." I bet I could break one of those things if I really threw myself into it.
Suck it up and fly first class. Toddlers pay half price on AA, you get the fast lane treatment, and free cocktails definitely help. And now my two year old gets AA credit card solicitations.
Perhaps I should forward this entry to all of the people who are related to my family. Then they'll quit giving me shit for only flying home once a year. Because when I fly, it's by myself with 3 CHILDREN. Matt travels by himself because he can't stay as long as the kids and I do. I leave and return midday during midweek.
Imagine me getting on the plane with the kids, now 7, 5 and 2, three backpacks, a small cooler with enough food for at least 2 meals, a carseat and a stroller. Unually another passenger will help me, but certainly not an airline employee.
The most fun of course, is when the airline can't seat us together, and then won't ask people to move and then I have to do that after I get on the plane. Seriously, I've had to do that before. It's a fucking nightmare to deal with the ADULTS; my kids are no problem.
Claverac- Toddlers pay 1/2 price?? Is that in first class only or for the rest of the plane as well? If that's true for coach, I just got scewed on our Thanksgiving tickets to Dallas!
Wyatt- We're watching the heels tomorrow night. Nah na na nah na na nah- Go Tar Heels!
I book at aa dot com using the infant in seat option. It is supposed to be under age 2 but they are pretty lenient. First class tix are half price, not sure about coach.