xtcian

one more for the pro column - you can pee standing up.

Men are also often a lot more straightforward than women. Don't forget how coy and devious women can be.

I will grant you that women smell a lot better than men. Indeed women make elevators bearable.

But guys are better at killing household vermin and that's not an insignificant trait.

Oh, don't listen to this. I remember when my son was born, my OB told me little boys always have a hug for their mama. She sure was right. I read a study recently that baby girls make eye contact with their mom's 20 times more than boys and after having our daughter I believe it. But boys are the sweet snugglers. Ours is 4 and he now proudly proclaims, "I give GREAT hugs!" I think "no innate understanding of affection" is purely cultural. Italian men walk hand in hand, greet eachother with kisses and openly embrace.

Hey you other guys reading Ian's blog - give me a call so we can talk about today's entry behind his back.

Dude, kjf nailed it already with respect to some of the missing PROS of being a guy:

We can write our names in the snow.

We don't get periods.

We don't have to pass something the size of a football out of our naughty bits in order to bring a child into the world.

We're generally taller.

We work a remote control faster and more efficiently.

So go grab a Scotch, sit on the couch, scratch, fart (and laugh about it) and rest that upper body. You never know when vermin may rear their ugly head causing you to have to spring into action.

BTW, women are equal to the task when it comes to road rage. At least in the ATL. But they do smell better than us and they're softer.

Chris M:
"But guys are better at killing household vermin and that's not an insignificant trait."

Funny how you mention that because THIS VERY MINUTE we have the Rid-a-critter guy in our attic to address the squirrel up there b/c my husband can't do it himself!

Oh pish posh, Ian. Folks is folks.

The real division is between nice people and assholes.

Well, at least you admit it! ;)

My son is a BIG personality but when compared to my daughter at the same age, he is an intellectual and physical neanderthal.

I was talking to a child development expert about the differences between boys and girls and was given a true physiological reason for the gap.

No notes on the science-speak, but there is a part of the brain that develops much earlier in girls than in boys, allowing the girls to process information with both sides of their brain at a very early age.

No recollection about when the boys' brains catch up, but from my empirical evidence, it’s probably sometime after age 45.

Aw, don't sell yourself (-selves) short, Ian. We love you in spite of your foibles. I may find myself having better conversations and mutual support with women friends in my late-middle age, but I would never want to live in a world without men... potbellies and all. You guys are da sex. :-)

Also: I think we've gotten past the need to label all traits male or female, eh?

I completely disagree with almost everything Ian wrote in this article. It sounds like you've been watching too many awful sitcoms like "Everybody Loves Raymond" "the King of Queens" and "The World According to Jim" where all men are fat, stupid, responsibility shirking sloths that exist only as comic foils to their young, attractive, intelligent, organized, go getter wives. Really Ian, I expected better of you than to derive any of your worldview from a hopefully dying TV genre that was derived on a completely false premise in the first place.

For every bad thing that men have done we've done 100 positive things in Medecine, Science, Art, Literature and dozens of other worthwhile puruits.

Forgive me for seeming a little bitter about it, but I'm just tired of the false stereotype of men as knuckle dragging troglodytes who have never contributed anything positive to the world.

Et Tu Ian?

Of COURSE this post isn't gospel. It's mostly FUNNY. But *why*, pray tell, is it funny? Because it has its roots in truth. Even those offended by the generalizations have to admit that....they wouldn't be offended if it didn't ring true just a little.

I'm very much pro-men (I think they get the unfounded short end of the stick in many arenas, such as child custody), and usually *hate* the kind of Mars/Venus e-mail forwards my mom sends me, precisely because they perpetuate stereotype. I've also got a little guy in my belly due out in 10 weeks, as well as a husband and four male cats, so I'm even more protective of the gender.

That said....I'm so sorry, but there are a couple of things that, despite my best intentions to not generalize, are generally true about guys. Namely: They're really bad at being sick. And they are missing the gene that allows one to find things. Having lived with a father, a brother, and a husband has given me the data I feel is necessary to make such informed assertions.

I have no idea why I placed an apostrophe in "mom's."
Are women also more neurotic?

hey if they've got you licked you're doing something right.

My wife likes to point out that both her father and I have an amazing capability to focus on one thing until something else comes into view at which point we retrain our focus on that thing and ... what was that other thing we were supposed to be doing ... oh bother.

It sounds like you've been watching too many awful sitcoms like "Everybody Loves Raymond" "the King of Queens" and "The World According to Jim" where all men are fat, stupid, responsibility shirking sloths that exist only as comic foils to their young, attractive, intelligent, organized, go getter wives.

Actually, any TV show with commercial interruptions will do. "Oh Herman, you doofus, you bought the bargain brand of bathroom tissue..."

Ian, you need to read the Jacques LeClerq translation of Rabelais, for a refresher in the joys of being male. Either that, or go on one of those paint-your-face-and-go-Booga-Booga-in-the-forest walkabouts....

uuhh uunnnhhh mmmmmrrggghhh..

That's not fair. I blame the bomb on Lise Meisner.

Not mention your insights into the testosterone-brined minds of you and your friends may be irrelevant to "Generation S" (http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=53327)

the dime store philosophy at 85 decibels and constant interruptions were my favorites. reminds me of this song i wrote with my old band about my friend's boyfriend, called "verbal diarrhea"...

i think it's funny and i do agree it's stereotyping in the same way people stereotype gay men as effeminate hairdressers and not lumberjacks, pro-football players and longshoremen. but i've got 2 boys and you quickly find out that the stereotypes really aren't true -unless you are actually living out and modeling rigid gender identities for your kid, you don't have to worry, they really don't come wired with these traits.

i only have one note of caution - beware the old school feminist idea that it is only the men who get the sex-drive, and that whole *objectification of women* vs. cult of virginity thing they stirred up.

because...

someday your girls will all hit puberty.

and you will be in for a rude awakening...:)

ohmygod that soy thing is hysterical.

What if you don't KILL the vermin and simply let them outside to live another day? When our animals discovered a mouse and used at as a plaything, my wife wigged. I got it away from them, trapped it and let it outside, slightly dazed but alive. Being an animal lover, I can't kill any animal (I don't even like fishing because of this). Of course, gimme a prime rib any day of the week so long as I don't have to kill it myself.

Of course no good deed goes unpunished, after humanely letting the mouse outside and going to dinner, we returned to find that our cats and dog were playing with a mouse again, likely the same critter I freed hours before. The second time he didn't fare so well.

"What if you don't KILL the vermin and simply let them outside to live another day?"

You mean, just transport them and give them a stern lecture on the consequences of crossing your border without the proper Green card documentation?

Pro: innate pride in the unprofitable and off-putting whether it is smelliness or railroad memorabilia collecting or the shed out back. A man is only fit for life to the degree he daydreams of that slightly smelly, really worn arm chair out in the shed where he can waste a sunny afternoon having a beer or two watching the line of a shadow move slowly across the floor as an AM radio plays a baseball game.

Going to be in town this WE, any chance I can see you 3?

I am assuming this is on of your "spoof" posts. If not, you need to spend some time getting your balls back. Good grief, based on your blog your wife does not seem like the ball crushing, demascualting type so I am going to assume you are doing this to yourself. Snap out of it boy. We rule the world and the house because we can and because everyone wants us to, women and men alike. Of course we share decisions and rely on each other but in the end it is your duty in life to provide and protect. Pull it together.

Oh, tregen. Oh, really, now. If men actually did provide and protect, then perhaps you'd have a point. I can say, with clear head and heart, that you, men, do not rule my world nor my house, and if somewhere deep down in me I "want" you to, well, I'd really have to see proof positive that you are up to the job. I am no man-hater; indeed, I adore all of you- I adore your brawny, hairy, muscley, silly, stubborn, hilarious selves- but I do not trust you to come through. If you ever do, perhaps I will gladly hand you the scepter to my world and house, but until that time...

And this is not just about men. People let other people down all the time, more often than folks like to admit, so it's hard to share decisions and rely on each other. Men and women alike so easily betray, back out, or just forget stuff. But I think men have a slightly worse track record.

You know what they say about guys; self-deprecation becomes them, but thanks anyway for the mirror Ian. Like most males, I know I'd be hopeless without my ain true love. Season's Greetings all.