10/9/07
The time has come to lay a few things to rest around here, so I'm in the midst of writing a FAQ for this blog. In doing so, I hope to take care of the following people: folks who want to make movie trailers, dogs who have overdosed on Rimadyl, those seeking Jarts™, and the general populace who wants a good place to start. But most of all, this FAQ will be an instructional tool for any would-be commenters (or email writers) who have come up with a list of unsavory adjectives about me, and are still toiling under the notion that they were the first to make such trenchant observations.
In fact, I'd offer a $5 cash reward for anybody to elucidate a character flaw they think I have that I don't already know. This isn't in the interest of drumming up more self-obsessed drivel about me me me, I'd just like to save some of you anonymous commenters/emailers all those precious hours spent crafting your finely-tuned invective. It can be a real drag to work so hard, only to find out your epiphany had been long ago accepted as fact.
In that interest, is there anything you longtime or short-time folks think would be a good question for the FAQ? It can be pretty much anything, as long as it doesn't impugn or belittle anyone else. I've already got about 20 recurring good questions from my years on here, but would be much obliged if there's something you'd like to add. I know it sounds self-aggrandizing, but hey, if I'm going to keep doing this, why not?
FAQ Submission:
How can one get a bootleg copy of The Pink House?
We all love you, Ian!
Q: Does Lucy really like cheese?Q: What are some of your favourite single malts?
Ian -- have been reading regularly for some time now, at the request of some of our mutual e-friends...
By the way, in case I never told you, I enjoyed your Wednesday's Child column at UNC immensely.
2 questions for the FAQ:
1) what is the significance of "Code Word"?
2) what's up with Dockers?
My only request would be a permanent link to your "Why I Hate Dook" and subsequent rants. God, those things never get old, and I love to send them to all my Carolina peeps prior to the UNC/Dook games. :)
The only thing I can think of, Ian, isn't a particular question but rather a short,annotated list of landmark posts, with links. Such as Coastopia (the way I got here in the first place), your wedding, the arrival of La Luz, and any others that you consider to be rhetorical or personal highlights. Such a list would serve as a brief introduction that would orient newbies to you, your family, and your views, possibly illuminating some of the FAQ items.
How do you define success and failure? Are those categories meaningful for you?
nothing I can think of. Maybe just a reminder to read comments a few days before commenting to make sure you don't infringe on another commentors name (Hence I am "the other" Lee)
in all seriousness: what's a faq? i have no clue.
Scruggs asked mine...
Not exactly a FAQ but I'd point parents to the compilation of picture books ...and also I liked the day that everyone listed items that made life easier...
Here's a real FAQ: Are the political posts meant to spark discussion among liberals or between liberals and conservatives? I'm an occasional conservative commenter but will cease doing so if this back and forth is not your intent.
As such, I'd like to respond that your critics are probably not "toiling under the notion that they were the first to make such trenchant observations." Our/their criticisms inevitably hit the same chords now then, since after 10+ years of keeping this blog, Ian, you also repeat your general themes, albeit with ever-changing and entertaining variations. The critics can only hope to do the same.
Q: What were the skies like when you were young?
A: They went on forever – They - When I - We lived in Arizona, and the skies always had little fluffy clouds in 'em, and they were long, clear, and there were lots of stars, at night. And when it would rain, they would all turn - They were beautiful, the most beautiful skies as a matter of fact. Um, the sunsets were purple and red and yellow and on fire, and the clouds would catch the colors everywhere. That's uh, neat cause I used to look at them all the time, when I was little. You don't see that. You might still see it in the desert.
This is funny to me and probably no one else.
Character flaw: You use words like "elucidate". Where's my 5 bucks?
Actually, I enjoy the vocab boost that is xtcian which I affectionately like to pronounce as "ex-TICK-ee-uhn".
Kent,
That question and answer is in the middle of some song I have on my iPod. I can't think of the name of it, but that's freaky. What's it from?
I echo David, er um, Drake's comments above. I often have to keep WEBSTERS.com open so I can understand Ian's typical rants. Which I then promptly teach to my 20-month old son.
"SCHADENFREUDE is why daddy laughs at you when you fall, Jake. But I still love you."
Seriously, though, Kent--elucidate me on the origins of that quote.
FAQ: Where can I find more updates/videos related to hooping?
Kent- I remember that song!! What was it though???
That's gonna drive me nuts.
Top ten bits of advice given by your mother in the comments section.
I got the reference, Kent!
Gotta love the Orb...
My only question would be "Why do you hate America so much?"
Love, IMF(tm)
Thanks Ian! Now I can sleep tonight.
Why do you use so much profanity?
I would offer $6 ,...number (1).. because i don't even have dollars and number (2),... just to be a bit competetive and curious and sorry if i did bother you which i do not think i did and then i would say we should all get together again and finaly number(3) ,... this understanding is what it is somehow, all about xxx
i love the orbs" little fluffy clouds" it helped to spiritualze me.hopefully knowone is even bothered about this factxxxxxxbyex
Why are liberals always either - naive students, government employees, welfare mothers, college professors, starving artists, homeless or some combination thereof?
1 .Given the fact that 92% of the annual U.S. tax bill is paid by the top 50% of wage earners - how much more tax should the Democrats impose on them?
2. My wages from January to June (FICA, SS W/H, Fed W/H, State W/H, Property Taxes, etc) pay for my tax bill. Incidently, i am a business owner - how much more does Hilllary want to tax me?
3. War on Terror - would you rather have the battle field in your backyard?
Ian,
This is Cindy Sheehan. I believe we are twins seperated at birth!! Call me immdiately 1-800-LIB-ERAL!
Ian,
Don't let these coward conservatives sabotage your blog. this is ridiculous. POWER TO THE PEOPLE !!!!
Oh, no, they're great. Keep 'em comin!
All except for those who keep emailing/posting under different names. Just one comment can take care of it, OK?
You might want to have a "cast of characters" and a "glossary" in addition to the FAQ. The cast of characters would be particularly helpful to newbies.
For glossary, include "Code Word," "Coach K," "LFMD," etc...
FAQ: Where can I read Ian's other work? (Then list a link to your book...) And yeah, some dolt will say it's self-promotion, but it's your blog and provides necessary backstory.
Will you be part of the forthcoming Hollywood writers strike?
"Why are liberals always either - naive students, government employees, welfare mothers, college professors, starving artists, homeless or some combination thereof?"
A: They're not. But thanks for the illustration of a logical fallacy.
How many homes should a staunch environmentalist be allowed to have at one time? Should the home or homes be limted to say...20,000 square feet? How much fossil fuel consumption would that be for a 20,000 square foot home...relative to your average American home?
I've been a longtime reader of your site and rare commenter. One of the most interesting "reader participation" entries was the one where you asked about inexpensive solutions to problems (e.g. rubbing alcohol instead of deodorant). It would be great to have a link to that so that readers could add to it as new discoveries are found.
For the record, my all-time favourite xtcian entry was when you had to write the essay to defend yourself at the US/Canada border. I sometimes go reread it when I'm feeling in need of a good story.
how do you find writing with a partner vs. writing alone? how do you work it out?
why don't you get together with your family and make a movie together (a musical comedy of course)?
why don't you find an indie distributor for your pink house movie, or at least an online distributor?
how long does Lucy have to wait until she can take bass lessons? have you picked out her amp yet?
what is the missing link in the evolution from fish to amphibians?
is your band gigging yet? what is up with that?
did you get the muppet show collection on dvd? it fucking rocks. they should bring that back as a broadway musical with different guest stars in each city. wouldn't it be great with Robin Williams? i would totally go see that.
are crocs the new keens?
what do you think about vitamin water? is it a useless time saver like the peanut butter and jelly put together in the jar or is it really a great idea? same question regarding diet soda + vitamins.
have you tried out the lexus hybrid? is it a v6?
what is up with al gore's new tv station? have you thought about writing a pilot for that station? that would be hella perfect.