5/7/08
I was up at 5:45am in New York in order to attend a meeting at 3pm in Beverly Hills, and the flight was, according to one of the flight attendants, "one of the bumpiest he could remember". Which makes me feel really good, because (as old-timers here might recall) I used to be so petrified of flying that I'd drive the Prius back and forth across the country. And today's flight? Didn't bother me AT ALL, in fact, I barely remember any turbulence as I slept.
This is a huge victory for me personally, because once those phobias set in, especially as we age, they can calcify to the point of no return. Sometimes, it's not the fears of childhood that are the most devastating, it's the ones you come to later, long after your emotional elasticity has hardened. Coming back from an adult phobia is incredibly hard work, but it's really worth it: the feeling of accomplishment is as good as any aced test or Xmas bonus. I still have to cling to rigid behavior and slightly OCD habits to keep me sane, but there is some freedom therein.
So in my exhaustion, today's CODE WORD is: what is a personal phobia that you are currently enduring, or a fear that you overcame at some point in adulthood?
Posted by Ian Williams at May 7, 2008 11:07 PMDon't like spiders. But, as a father of two, I've had to try and curb that fear so that I don't pass it on to my kids . . . which means I try not to scream as loud when I'm suddenly confronted with one.
I am terrified of pigeons and seagulls. It used to be all birds except for ducks. I've always been cool with ducks. My mom passed this phobia on to me at an early age and I haven't even seen the "Birds" movie. I'm trying hard not to pass it along to Ben, but I still make "EEWWW" noises when a seagull or pigeon get too close. In college, I went on the Dr. King and Dr. Unks study abroad trip to London. One of our assignments was to go to Trafalger Square. You know, the place where the nasty, filthy pigeons land on people and eat out of their hands? Even writing this is giving me the heebie geebies. I managed to step onto the square, take a quick photo to prove I was there and then ran my scared butt back home.
Oh. . . where to begin? I am riddled with so many personal phobias that I can hardly distinguish between the phobia and my personality!
Here is one. . . I used to be very intimidated by groups of teenagers. As a kid because I was shy, and they scared me. As a teen because I was shy, and they scared me. As a young adult, because I was not cool, and they scared me.
Now, I just don't give a damn. Groups of teenagers are more a source of irritation for me than a source of intimidation. As a working Mama pushing 40, I have no qualms about telling said teenagers to stop using profanities in front of little kids at the park or to take their nonsense-bordering-on-vagrancy elsewhere and away from my driveway and front yard. My husband is afraid that I will end up with a rock through my window, but I don't have the patience.
Phobia is my middle name. Seriously: I have had panic disorder and phobias since my mid 20s. That's about 30 years.
In the past 5 years or so I have overcome a phobia of driving on the highway (interstates). How? Mostly through meds and exposure. For nearly 10 years I wouldn't/couldn't get on an interstate highway at all. This feels like a sweet victory. In fact, we would never have moved to our bayside location 15 miles outside the city if I hadn't gotten back on the interstates.
As you rightly point out, phobias can creep and take over your life. I still get panicky moments and have to deep-breathe my way through them. Sometimes I sing out loud in the car to make sure I'm getting oxygen! And: the meds. If I have to take them until I die, that's fine. I'm no longer trapped.
Now, flying: nothing to do but OD on X a n a x for that one! And driving over high bridges: no thanks. That's what husbands are for. ;-)
This one is easy-peasy for me - needles! All my life I've struggled with getting shots at the doctor's office. I'd usually try to get my mom to come with me to hold my hand (so cute in your 20s) and even then, I'd still hyperventilate and pass out at the sight of a syringe.
Now? After five rounds of IVF, I laugh in their general direction. I can mix up and shoot up like any old McCrackhead Junkie. Heck, I've given friends going through IVF their shots (the big scary IM ones) when their husbands have been out of town.
Having my boys (second one due end of July!) is an ridiculously wonderful reward for overcoming such a silly fear.
Good for you jje! I too had an uncomfortable time with needles, and then last year one of my toddlers was diagnosed with Type 1 (insulin dependent) diabetes. I had to get over my fear before we left the hospital as she is given 4 needles a day for the rest of her life, (or until she is old enough for an insulin pump, but even that will be a poke every few days). The new situation not only challenged me to get over it, but also has resulted in the great spin off that my daughter, her twin brother and older sister have NO fear of needles or sight of blood. I taught the oldest (6) how to give her sister an injection in case of an emergency and she gave her a loving yet terse instruction: "Ok little sweetie, Yay it's insulin time! Hooray! Now you just hold still, because you are GETTING this NEEDLE so forget about whining." Just shows that if you decide something is normal, it just becomes part of your comfort zone.
Perhaps bumblebees. Not honey bees or wasps, but the big black and yellow monsters. No doubt because I was attacked and stung by a swarm of them as a kid when I disturbed a nest inside a swing. Whenever I see one I become totally and competely fixated until it flies away. (Including the Mexican Bumblebee Man immortalized on The Simpsons.)
Even I think I'm a weirdo for this. I become irrationally uncomfortable at the sight of elderly people working in grocery stores. I nervously run through the possibilities of how this could be my fate. As if working in Harris Teeter is the worst existence! I know it's not and that's why I consider this a phobia. Cognitive and emotional don't match up.
And in more ordinary phobias . . . I have a crippling fear of heights, literally become weak in the knees.
Aside from fears of bumblebees (which i still have -i am allergic) and needles (which i got over while in the peace corps due to several innoculations a week), i have this wierd fear of missing my flight/train. I MUST be at the airport three hours before a flight. Even in little airports with no line to check in or go through security. I think it started when I lived in new york and got stuck in standstill traffic on my way to JFK or the subway had a major meltdown and all i could do was sit there and hope... and have a total panic attack in the meantime. Unfortunately, my husband likes to leave for the airport 45 minutes before departure - at that point, i need to be sedated.
heights and needles. please let there be a coulrophobiac in our midst. i want someone to explain the fear of clowns.
Does fear of intimacy count?
I don't like corners. Specifically bedside table ones. For some reason, I've always been convinced I would roll over in my sleep, over the edge of the bed, and bash my eye socket right on one.
And the Irish disturb me.(This name better, Matt? It's an oldie.)
I refuse to type "profe$$or booty" several times a week. How about something a little less crass like Shadrach or Brass Monkey? Or Barry Manilow.
Hey Kelly - that's awesome that your kids have been able to take it in stride. Your six year old is a hoot!
My little sister was diagnosed with Type I in kindergarten and I could never watch because I was so petrified (thank God we never had any sort of emergency that would have required me to give her a shot). Seriously, she's my hero for the grace and strength she's exemplified in living almost all her life with diabetes.
I have to tell you - she was diagnosed 30 years ago and it's amazing how far things have come since then, from technology to diet (back in the day, it was no sugar EVER, which you can imagine went over like a lead balloon with a kid). The insulin pump has absolutely been a godsend for her.
I have become increasingly claustrophobic as I have gotten older. Crowded elevators, gridlock on the freeway, even the line inside Space Mountain at Disneyland have been known to make my heart rate increase. Weird.
I know this is a total hijack and maybe it can be discussed further as a "CODE WORD" for tomorrow's post, but what do the Carolina grads think about this news?
H. Holden Thorp, Kenan Professor of Chemistry and Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, has been elected Chancellor of the institution by the Board of Governors of the multi-campus University of North Carolina.
http://www.unc.edu/chan/search/index.php
Thoughts?
His acceptance speech:
http://www.unc.edu/chan/search/thorpacceptance.php
Heights & failure.
The interesting aspect of my fear of heights is that it doesn't seem to apply to flying - I love to fly. As I drove home this evening thinking about this I reflected on the fact that I grew up in 1-story ramblers with no stairs. As I was trying to picture the first house with a 2nd story I had a small epiphany about a potential source for this fear. awhen I was 3 my parents were seperated for a brief time (something about my father sleeping with my godmother and my mom retaliating by sleeping with my godfather.) My earliest memories include my mother running after the car screaming as my father drove away with me in the car. That night we stayed at the apartment of a friend of my father. The apartment was on the 2nd floor and as I sit here typing I can still see the steps leading up the dark stairway to the open door. In the apartment I remember my father said it was time to "hit the sack." I slapped a a paper bag and laughed. I don't know if this contributed to my fear of heights but it seems plausible. I have managed to overcome most manifestations of this fear but still cannot stand balconies in tall buildings or observation platforms.
Greg T - quite a story. Wow.
jje - Thorp's appointment shocked me because of his age. Not sure if he is really young for a chancellor or I'm just old now and not ready to accept that people close to my age could be chancellor. Of course, it also made me feel a bit unaccomplished. Lordy, that guy was at Carolina at the same time as me I think and now he's in charge!
Neva, I immediately thought the same thing about his age...and mine! LOL
But I have to admit, I'm intrigued and excited about him just based on his bio. He sounds amazing on paper.
His cousin - the one he introduces in his speech - is my sister's obgyn in Chapel Hill and she absolutely raves about him. So I'm hoping the apples are pretty similar on the family tree and taking it as a good sign.
We know Holden, and he's a good egg. A much-needed booster shot for the Old North State's flagship.
Oh my God! I remember his brother, Clay. What a dream job! Neva - my mother always says the same thing about all of her doctors. . . "Laurie, they are so young! They are all your age!" As if little kids are treating my mom's cancer.
this geochemist is psyched to see a chemist and alumnus and NC native at the helm of UNC. Obama has my vote, sure, but i'm much more impressed with Thorp right now. thanks for posting this news!
i have a fear of a redistribution of wealth following the november election