4/13/09
It is my honor to introduce the winner of this year's xtcian NCAA Basketball Pool: the delightful UNC alumna Julie Peterman, who navigated her way through some crazy regional matchups en route to destiny with the Heels. I acquiesce the lectern...
***
Wow, what an honor it is (and a bit scary too, I might add) to be at the
helm today! My name is Julie Peterman, and you know the funny thing is -
I've met Ian only once in my life, the briefest of handshakes at a Chi
Psi party at which I was the tag-along guest of my roommate who had just
starting dating a senior member of the fraternity. I don't remember much
about the rest of the party, but I do remember that was when I started
reading "Wednesday's Child" with earnest.
So that is my connection, and since my 4-year stint in Chapel Hill
(the last of which corresponded with the 1993 Championship), I have returned
back to my childhood home, completed graduate work, married,
have had two kids (boys aged 6 and 4), and currently work at one
of those troublesome "banks" working my tushy off to educate clients
about risks and rewards for owning unrated (not junk bonds just
not rated by the Big 3 rating agencies) tax-exempt bonds,
specifically healthcare bonds.
I thought that since I write for a living, I could come up with
something easily for this, but you know, it's a lot harder than I
thought, so I say Kudos to Ian for keeping this blog so lively and doing
it so well. In the end, I have decided to briefly mention two things
(completely unrelated) that's been going on in my world; I think that
fits well into the overall theme here.
First, is the issue of memories. With the recent b-ball season, it's
been a lot of fun watching my older son, Alex, really "get into" the
game. He's cheered Tyler on, got upset when Zeller broke his hand,
agonized (if you can really call it that for a 6-year old) about whether
or not Lawson would play, and even screamed some very funny things
about each one of our opponents and why he didn't like them/why he
didn't want them to win.
He also likes "Julie stories" when he goes to bed, so I
have helped fuel this interest with all kinds of stories about my
memories of UNC basketball while I was in college-how I camped out for
tickets, got trampled when the numbers for the Duke game were handed out
during my freshman year, how my roommate and I bought our way in Cameron
during my junior year to see Hubert and the boys play (and lose pretty
badly, as I remember), etc. So when we won the NCAA championship, I
started telling stories about that night in 1993, especially as we all
raced up Airport Road (I know now MLK Blvd, but some things will always
be the way they were), and headed toward Franklin Street.
He loves to hear the story about the blue paint ending up in my hair, on my face,
and all over my coat and loves to ask me why I just didn't move out of the way.
To better answer that question, I showed him the time lapse video of Franklin Street
from this year to show the sheer number of people, but after about 30 seconds he walked away.
I asked him why he didn't find it interesting - he said it seemed quite stupid and boring.
Hrumpf. I asked if my stories were boring since I was just
telling him basically the same thing he was seeing, and he said no.
Why, I ask. Because you remember it differently.
His comment made me think though, about memories, why some remain etched
forever (and I mean the random ones, not like the ones of what you did
after a national championship, where were you during 9/11 or when
Kennedy was shot or the like), why some are in the background but are
pushed forward in some odd moment-like that ones that come out during
story time since Alex gets to decide the topic and I must come up with
the story, and why some are lost forever, like the rest of the Chi Psi
party where I was the tag-along guest.
That was the first; the second is less complex and more of a question
for everyone who reads. Does the allowance system still exist? For those
who have tried it, was it effective (and I mean effective in curbing the
all-too-often "I want this xyz toy!" demands since said child, after
earning enough money, could then purchase wanted toy or decide to not
purchase and save for something better)? And, what is the going rate to
start with for a 6-year old?
Thanks, again, Ian, for hosting the bracket challenge. I've enjoyed this
blog for a while now and look forward to it every day (as part of my 20
personal minutes that I'm allowed to have on the Internet per day at
work).
***
Posted by Ian Williams at April 13, 2009 9:37 PMThat was a gorgeous blog. The subject of memory is so fascinating to me, and I got really sad when someone explained to me that every time you remember something, you do a bit of re-writing, that it's a little like photocopying the photocopy. Every time you conjur a memory, you are as much conjuring the last time you remembered it as you are conjuring the original memory. That's sad.
In terms of allowance, I'd be really interested in what people have to say about this. Barnaby's grandparents, great-grandparents and, if I'm honest with myself, *parents* are always buying him stuff, so that every time he sees one of them, he has something new. It makes it difficult to figure out how to curb that, and how to make him responsible for getting the things that he wants.
Although, at two, he doesn't really want much, except for juice and cookies.
Hey, Julie - Congrats!
Re: allowances -- Age 6 is a great time to start a regular weekly allowance. I'd suggest $2-3 to start. The allowance should be unconditional, i.e., not tied to chores, practicing the piano, getting good grades, etc. Your son may blow it all on candy or ice cream at first. He will learn, though, that if he saves for a month he can get something much more impressive than ephemeral food. You might give him a little lockbox, kid-size, to keep his money in.
Just my 2 cents after raising a bunch of kids!
Our 16 year old gets $20 a week. We prefer that he not work a job during the school year as he attends a rigorous high school and needs a lot of time for homework and projects. $20 a week seems to work fine for him -- allowing an afterschool snack several days a week plus a movie with friends on the weekend. He actually saves a lot of it toward a new guitar. That's the point, isn't it! :-) Good luck.
Congratulations, Julie, on a great bracket and a great blog.
I think that the issue if memory is an interesting one as well. I'm fascinated by the very thing that Sean mentioned, that is, the fact that our memories are constantly changing. I think that it's interesting that, in retrospect, many of the most terrible times in my own life have been tempered by the editing that has been performed in my head. Interestingly, most of the good times that I remember seem to be getting better with age. It speaks, a little, to me as an affirmation the we (or maybe just I) are more optimistic than pessimistic, which is a bit of a stretch for someone that has been described as curmudgeonly since the age of about 18 or so. Maybe my recollections aren't entirely accurate, but I think I prefer the ephemeral nature of my own little personal mythology.
As for the issue of allowance, I'm currently wading into these same waters since my six year old daughter has been pressing for an Ipod and a Nintendo DS. We've put her off so far, but at some point we'll probably give in. We've settled on the idea of $5.00 per week for an allowance based on a small set of chores around the house -- clearing the dinner dishes, picking up her toys and the like. If she wants more money, she will have to do more chores. We picked $5 because it's a little less than most of the stuff that she would want to buy on a day-to-day basis. She'll have to save at least a little to get the things she wants. Her mom and I will (eventually) help out with the really big purchases like the DS, but for most things, she's also going to have to work for what she wants. This is seemingly a rare occurrence in Chapel Hill, but we think it's important to get our kids to understand money, budgets and saving at an early age.
Congrats again, Julie. :-) Woo!
As your roommate that lovely year (well, except for the psycho roommate part), I have to say the things I remember from that night are inviting all our friends over to our Millcreek apartment to watch the game, warning my then-boyfriend-now-husband not to say anything bad about Pat Sullivan because Brenda (am I remembering her name right?) was dating him, and sitting dead-center in front of the tv at the very end locked in nervous death clutch with a sorority sister (Nicole, I think) as Sullivan hit that key free throw!
Then of course we all ran up to Franklin Street. At that point, all I remember is the rain, the noise, blue paint and being on the outer edge of the crowd. Patrick and I didn't stay for long and I remember you coming home upset because you'd lost a bracelet your grandmother had given you, right?
Like you said, it's funny how random things become etched in your memory. I bet if I ask Patrick, all he'll remember from that night are the nitty-gritty game specifics.
I got nuthin' on the allowance thing yet. But I know Connor is not a stick-and-carrot kind of kid (the potty wars proved that). I'll probably just go with Anne's advice.
I loved your post, Julie! I have to admit that whenever I saw your name on the brackets, I thought J. Peterman was a pseudonym. . . like you were a big Seinfeld fan. Do you get that a lot? Just wondering.
I am starting to get jealous of all the folks who were in Chapel Hill during a National Championship. I was at UNC from 1986 - 1990, and it was always close, but no cigar. The worst was in 1993. I was in law school, watching the game in the school basement with some random, similarly-miserable fellow law students, none of whom were UNC fans. In fact, they were all cheering for the other team. I hated law school and, in retrospect, was in the middle of a chronic depression that wouldn't lift until 1999. Anyway, the Tar Heels won, my fellow law geeks booed, and I went back to my lonely carrel and cried. I so missed UNC and wished I were there! I associated my "best self" with my time at Carolina, and I associated law school with the worst.
Anyway, all's well that ends well. I have to admit, even though it has been nearly 20 years (Christ, how is that possible!) since I graduated from UNC, I still have a hard time reconciling my life now with my life as I imagined it then. Carolina was like a little bubble of nurturing and encouragement and enlightenment, and many things since have been a big kick in the pants.
Ugh. F&*k memory. I liked your post and hope to hear more from you, Julie!
Oh, and my daughter is turning 10 in June, and we have had a lot of fits and starts about the allowance. 3 years ago, she really wanted an American Girl doll. We set up an allowance system wherein she did chores and got $5 a week. Took a long time, but she earned enough for the doll, and we took our pilgrimage to NYC to buy it. After that, the interest in chores (as well as our interest in paying her) waned, and there was no allowance for a couple years.
Then, we started to talk about allowances again. Things turned sour when daughter presented an itemized chart of how much each chore was worth (i.e.: 25 cents to walk the dog, $1 to make her bed, 10 cents to floss her teeth etc.) We decided that she was expected to help out as a member of the family and there is no compensation for being a helpful family member.
So, she helps out with regular chores, there is no allowance, but we give her a monetary gift for birthday, holidays, good report cards, tooth fairy, etc. Daughter hoards the money and uses it to buy things she really wants. I have noticed that she is very judicious about her spending habits. . .
Allowance: we give them a dollar amount that is half their age each week. Ethan is 10 so he gets $5 per week, Sarah is 7, so one week she gets $3 and the next week $4. I read about that idea somewhere and it has worked for us. The allowance is not tied directly to chores, although they do have them.
Like the post Julie! I too, thought maybe you were just a Seinfeld fan with the J. Peterman thing. Impressed with your bracket - you edged me out at the last minute... probably because you actually follow basketball?
I also, love the mystery of memories. I wonder sometimes how many of my childhood memories are based on looking at photos of events not even the real thing.
I have no memories of the 1993 win except the horror of the worst hangover ever the next day. Truly, the worst, I've ever experienced. I think it lasted 3 days. I was on Franklin Street that night I'm told. Wish I'd gotten a little less excited so I could remember it all more.
I didn't hit F street for either of the last two. Feel much too old to really enjoy it like it should be enjoyed.
We do the allowance thing with our 8 year old but we're cheap and give her $1 a week (her idea, not ours). Between that and money from extended family for gifts she started her own bank acct recently and enjoys looking to see how much interest she's earned every month (3 cents last month!). We also try to do chores but we don't pay for the chore doing just consider it something that she was old enough to start doing about the same time that she was old enough for an allowance. And, Big Scott, you can count on us as one CH family who is with you on not providing every toy/indulgence requested.
Impressive win and post Julie. Seems like the last time you won a pool we were in it together with our Mill Creek neighbors and the Heels won the title.
Like jje, as your roommate during the treasured 93 championship (not the psycho one for clarification), I remember a lot of people at the apartment and the two-TV setup we had going. And, yes, jje, it was Brenda. Of course I had forgotten the Pat Sullivan connection there.
As for the changing of memories, I'm just thankful I have you and jje to help clarify the ones I somehow blocked out and to confirm whatever exaggerations might have happened to the rest.
my 6yo: $1/week for doing silverware, helping brother take out recycling, and maintaining order among shoes in the front hall.
9yo: $2.50/week for loading/unloading dishwasher (except silverware), lead position on recycling, and maintaining clean dining room table.
i make an effort to emphasize not a pay-per-job that to me emphasizes a kind of employment situation, but rather a sharing of family dollars and discretion over those dollars that is tied to making a contribution to the family. trying basically to instill the idea that the family is a kind of co-op with shared resources and shared responsibilities. as they get older, they are expected to make more and mroe of a contribution and they can also get more say in how things are done, how money is spent, etc.
they've had this level for over a year though, and i think with their next birthday the expectations will go up a bit and the money will too.
they also get direct deposit into their savings accounts, so the next big step is to divide their money into long term savings/short term savings/ discretionary spending. i have a friend who's son does this via ledger, and i'm debating on whether it's better to do it on paper or online.
Julie,
Congrats and I enjoyed the blog. On the subject of allowance, we've been doing it with our three kids. They get a dollar each week for the year they are in school. Kindergarten and 1st grade = $1, 2nd grade = $2, 3rd grade = $3 and so on. My 11-year-old son has saved up money to buy a DS and he won our family NCAA pool and was "rewarded" with a new DSi (which is really cool, by the way). It seems to work with our household of 4 kids and they all seem motivated to do their chores and "earn" their allowances. I think each kid is different and you just have to figure out what makes them each tick and what will work for them.
Just a few other comments - yes I do get the Seinfeld thing some imes, but I think my brother-in-law gets them a lot more (he's John Peterman). And, as my roommates (jje and dk93) can attest, I'm a huge college b-ball fan and do watch my fair share of other games besides UNC. There's a mean syndicate gathering at my office every year where teams are auctioned off and the pot can be quite large - my pool has come in second for the past three years and has not had to pay in for a while now. So, yes I follow it closely.
And, to both roomies, I totally forgot about Brenda and Pat S. thing until you mentioned it - see the whole "I only remembered it when you brought it up" thing! I also remember the two TV set-up and the fact that neither one were the ones we started with in the apartment due to the fake "we got robbed" episode. If we ever run on a theme on this blog about the worst roommate stories, the three of us could write a book and them some.
Thanks to everyone on the allowance advice - it's going to start this week, and I think we're going to run with the 1/2 your age theory or the $5 (I'm leaning towards the former but dh is leaning towards the latter).