I've been away from the girls for about five days now, which means I can only keep up with them over iChat or the phone. Apparently while they were in the car today, Lucy said to Tessa, "I really like Santa Claus. But he only comes at night. He's nocturnal. Like Daddo."
Yes, my daughter is already talkin' shite about my sleep habits, but "nocturnal"? Man, I love my little pumpkin pie spice.
Since we can't do our usual cultural kvetching in person, Tessa calls me with her random observations and mini-rants. I'll try to transcribe our call from yesterday:
Tessa: "Hey, so can I make three cultural criticisms? Some things have just really pissed me off."
Me: "Sure. You kidding? Absolutely!"
"Okay, so I got stuck behind this other car, and it had a bumper sticker that read 'It's Okay To Say Merry Christmas'."
"Oh yeah. One of THOSE people."
"Like they're so bent out of shape because GOD FORBID they have to take anyone else's beliefs into consideration."
"Not to mention it's a totally invented phenomenon. It's just right-wing bullshit, the whole 'War on Christmas' thing."
"I mean, sure, it's okay to say Merry Christmas. It's also okay to not be a prick about it. We live in a place with lots of different cultures, can they just DEAL with it?"
"No, they can't. And they're gonna tell you about it."
"Okay, the next thing: what's up with the CEO of Coca-Cola going after Michelle Obama because she wants to promote healthy food?"
"The leader of Coke?"
"This guy says that the President and the First Lady are telling people what to drink and that it's like the Soviet Union. Is he SERIOUS? Does he really think the Obama's organic garden is posing a serious threat to CORPORATE EARNINGS?"
"Well, also, isn't a third of America obese? Don't we pay for that with our taxes?"
"Yes, of course. It boggles my mind how threatened these guys are."
"Coke is pretty yummy, though."
"And here's the third of my mini rants: I'm talking to one of the other mothers at playgroup, and she's saying how OF COURSE she's not going to get the flu vaccine, and that she's treated everything with Echinacea, and besides, the swine flu isn't that bad."
"Oh fer chrissake."
"And I told her, well, it's killing pregnant mothers and small children at a much higher rate than they thought - and she says 'no way' like it's the first time she's heard it. I mean, why do you have an opinion about something if you haven't done any research?"
"Was this in Santa Monica?"
"Yes, a totally leftist, crunchy mom who just automatically believes that all vaccines are bad, but Echinacea will cure everything-"
"That's the problem with any kind of knee-jerkism - sometimes it's just as bad with liberals as conservatives. It's totally anti-intellectual."
"I mean, does she go around thinking the government is totally out to get them with their EVIL VACCINES all the time? I don't know, sometimes in conversation, you just have to swallow it."
"I've got something for you to swallow."
"I can't BELIEVE you just said that. You're disgusting. Goodbye."Posted by Ian Williams at October 22, 2009 9:34 PM