Rushmore

Director: Wes Anderson
Cast:
Jason Schwartzman
Olivia Williams
Bill Murray
Mason Gamble
Brian Cox
Genre: Comedy

As much as we like to consider ourselves individuals, the fact is, we all secretly crave being in one club or another. It may be that you're a Scorpio, or an ENFP, or an ex-sorority sister, but there's one category we all lay claim to: being an insufferable, unadulterated DORK. Deep down inside all of us is the belief that, stripped of all layers of artifice and schooling, lies our Inner Dorkdom, and no amount of positive affirmation seems to quell our nervousness at being discovered.

I define "dork" to mean "someone who obsesses about some external pursuit to the point of social ineptitude," and while almost everyone thinks they are a dork, very few people still are (and you know who you are). Dorks come in all shapes and sizes, and while having glasses, acne and an overbite are a plus, they certainly aren't necessary. In grade school, dorks were the ones who looked upon P.E. class with dread; in Junior High, they were force-fed fetal pigs while the science teacher wasn't looking. In high school, college and beyond, dorks branched out into all kinds of spastic activities, becoming marching band geeks, D&D Dungeon Masters, Medieval War Re-Enactors, comic book collectors, debate team captains, Internet MUD junkies, Student Government Officials, old car gearheads, sportswriters, college radio DJs, Audio-Visual spazzes, Deadheads and English Majors. And that's not even including your archetypical math nerds. Lately, dorks have been making a bit of headway, largely because of the computer revolution. Bill Gates has parlayed himself into the Richest Dork in America, and by now, every "beautiful person" left in the world is held captive to the skills of nerds. I mean, look at your computer monitor right now: crafted by geeks. Your modem card? Programmed by the finest spazzes in California.

I mention this because a fantastic Dork movie is finally coming your way. By now you have probably heard the hype about "Rushmore," the quirky tale of Max Fischer, a boy who is president of every club available at Rushmore Preparatory School, running everything from the French Society to the Beekeepers Association. The interesting twist to Max, however, is that unlike most spazzes, he's doing terribly in school. The only thing that keeps him from failing out is his newfound crush on Rosemary Cross (Olivia Williams), an elementary school teacher with a haunted past—and Bill Murray, a steel magnate who has lost all connection to his awful family. When they both fall for her, a love triangle develops that is at times almost unbearably queasy.

Director Wes Anderson doesn't let you come by your love of Max Fischer easily, and neither does the actor Jason Schwartzman, who plays him. Schwartzman is so proactive, so agenda-oriented, that his occasional lapses into sentimentality break your heart; he's a protagonist whose pain is yours. During his battle with Bill Murray (awesome as savior, villian, then savior again), the plot leaps into farce, but it's not long before the Dork is allowed one last time to save himself (and you) from too much horror. This movie is unbelievably funny, but you'll find yourself not laughing, lest you miss a line. It's just that good.

It's always good to see the Geek win a couple of 'em, but remember, life isn't the movies. In real life, the Geek usually shuts down, grows bald, turns warped, and loses all the passion that made him such a fascinating kid in the basement playroom. If you have kids, remember to treat the dorky ones well, because with the right push, they're going to be superstars. If you're seeking romance, eschew the Porsches and abs and find yourself a guy who can not only make you dinner, but diagram your salad's molecular structure. We are all desperate dorks within: geeks, nerds, spazzes and goons every one of us. So do not ask at whom the dodgeball hurls, it hurls at THEE.

—Ian Williams

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